It's a boy!

Today was the day! I’m an auntie! And I helped! Eeeeee! Beornraed Timble Whistlescrew was born this evening after dinner, at about 7:30, and he was about 6 pounds, which is huge for a gnome and small for a dwarf, but I guess it’s OK for something in between.

Anyway! So! Noodler comes by early in the morning, before breakfast, and tells me that I better hustle over there because Britta’s in labor. Oh snap. I asked how bad it was, and the contractions were still several minutes apart, so I had time to put my makeup on and get breakfast on the stove before running out the door. I found Britta in bed, looking rather uncomfortable. I’m like, are you ready for this? I’m about to get to know you a whole lot better. That made her laugh, at least.

I checked her cervix, and she was still only about 20-25 WW dilated. I told her, OK, you have quite a ways to go, so why don’t you throw on some clothes and walk with Noodler to work and let his boss know that he wasn’t going to be in today. Good thing it was the start of the week and a short day anyways!

I went back to my cabin to find Pizmo fumbling with the eggs and Wynni chattering to him endlessly about... turkeys? I couldn't really tell. Anyway, I let him know that I was going to need him to watch Wynni for the day while I attended to Britta. He wasn't super excited about playing babysitter, but I mean, what else is he going to do? I gathered up my supplies and headed over to Noodler and Britta's, arriving just as they were getting back. I told Noodler to ride down to Valgarde to get Britta's mother and sisters. He made a face when I asked if it was OK to summon my imp til he got back, and he wasn't thrilled about that, but I'm like, look, it's either that or my boyfriend getting to know your wife's nether regions, cause Britta's not going to be able to smack me if I fall asleep.

I massaged Britta and helped her with some breathing exercises while we waited for her family to show up. I don't think she realized what a long process this really is! Fortunately, this midwifery gig is way easier than it was back in the day. Most midwifes can't afford to stock Scrolls of Stamina or Restorative Potions, know what I mean? And man, think of what would happen if those doofs at the Cathedral of Light would let me train as a priest! I'd be all, Power Word Fortitude! Abolish Disease! Renew!

ANYWAY, Noodler finally showed up with Britta's mom and her sisters. He was frustrated that I needed their help and he couldn't just be one of the helpers, and I'm like, dude, that's awesome, but I need people to be roughly the same height as the birthing mother so they can help support you. She can't lean on you if you're a foot shorter than she is. And yeah, you could stand on something but you'd kill her if you fell over, so, um, no. So, he just hovered and fretted and got me supplies when I needed.

FINALLY, she began the actual birthing of the baby around 7, and the baby was head down, thank GOODNESS! I cast a scroll of stamina on her and gave her a troll's blood potion just to make sure that she'd be able to remain upright the whole time. (The births I attended where the mother was lying down were just the WORST. Hurray for adventurer's resources!) I helped the baby out as he crowned, and man, does that boy have a set of lungs. I used my sword to cut the umbilical cord, and I got him all tided up (and conjured water is pretty much the best invented spell EVER; it's SO nice not making people run for more and more buckets of water that might be contaminated anyways). The placenta came not too far after, but we didn't save it because Britta's not into cool ways of recycling. Oh well.

So there you go! The birth was really pretty typical, but it was the first time I've ever helped birth a baby that I was related to! And just seeing the look on my brother's face when he first laid eyes on his new son – that was just priceless. I'm so totally happy that he asked me to help out with this.

It's not you, it's me. Seriously.

Well, that explains why I was so crabby yesterday – my monthly reassurance that I’m not pregnant showed up this morning. I had forgotten that was going to happen while we were here. Fortunately, I totally remembered supplies before we left, so the only embarrassment was a delay in fixing breakfast.

Well, at least at first. When I put Wynni down for a nap, Pizmo wanted to get a little busy, and I’m like, you know what, this is so not going to work today. And he’s all, holy crap, you’re actually buying into what Noodler said, aren’t you? You don’t think it’s OK for us to sleep together before the altar because of your brother. And I’m like, no, that’s not it at all – just a bad day, is all. And he’s like, Noodler doesn’t know Pizmo at all, he has no right to say all that stuff. He can get SO focused on a single argument that he doesn’t pay attention to rebuttals unless they totally slap him across the face. It makes me crazy.

So finally, after he carried on for a while, I’m like, look, the reason we can’t sleep together right now is because I’m bleeding and it would be painful and messy, so you’re just going to have to wait a couple days, all right? He was really quiet for a while, and then he says, “Pizmo broke ya, didn’t he.” And I’m like, holy crap, what the heck are you TALKING about? He reasoned that the only way I could be bleeding from that particular spot was if he had injured me during sex. He went on to suggest that I see a doctor and said that he hoped I wasn’t broken forever because of him.

Whoa. I mean, seriously, WHOA. He’d made so much progress in the last several months that I had sort of assumed his naivety was a thing of the past. And I mean, come on, menstruation is one of those facts of life, you know? This one totally came out of the Twisting Nether. So I try to explain to him that it’s something that happens every month, and given how freaked he is about the idea of starting a family, it should be seen as a good thing, cause it means that I’m not pregnant.

I think that last point totally flew over his head, cause he’s like, so your body just breaks down every month? That’s worse than goblin engineering. How long will it take to fix ya? And I’m like, STOP saying that I’m broken! For the love of Gnomeregan, you’re not broken if you have to go use the outhouse, right? This is the same deal, except it’s every few weeks instead of every few hours. And it only lasts a few days, so it’s not like it’s some dire situation or whatever. And it fixes itself, so I don’t really have to do anything.

By this point, he’d begun to realize that this was a bit of basic information that he should have known. He started sputtering about how of course he had known this, he was just testing me and so on, and I’m just like, Pizmo, come off it. I don’t give you this song and dance when you teach me something about engineering or whatever. Just file it away, and for Light’s sake, get me a hot towel and some chocolate.

Seriously? Lay off.

Ugh, man, I was totally in a craptastic mood today, despite having had such a great evening last night. I dunno what my deal was. Anyway, Pizmo went off to work on his logging contraption, and I’m like, you know that’s scaring the crap out of everyone, right? And he’s like, I’m totally just trying to help, and I’m like, well, I’m not sure it’s really all that helpful, and we ended up getting into a fight. I just started crying, which is so not even like me, and then he felt really bad, but by that point, I was like, fine, just go work on your stupid logger thingee.

So, I go over to Britta’s to see how she’s doing, and she’s still totally freaking out about the whole Vrykul attack from the other night. She’s like, holy crap, maybe we should move to Valgarde cause they have a bigger contingent of soldiers, and I’m like, uh, I think they get attacked way more than you do. So then she was like, maybe going back to Azeroth would be smart, and I’m like, well, your family’s all here, and we’ve got undead and demons and all kinds of freaky things down there. There are some places that are safer than others, but I mean, nowhere is REALLY safe, you know?

And then – I have no idea what got me started – but all of a sudden I just could not stop worrying about Pizmo. I mean, I’m still so jealous of Noodler and Britta. They had troubles and stuff, but pretty much they decided to get married and then they did it. I still have no idea if Pizmo’s ever gonna want to settle down with me. I mean, as long as he can remember he’s been footloose and family-free, and he hasn’t ever dated anyone before, and then here I am with a kid and all kinds of psychological baggage ready to tie him down. And, like, this trip was supposed to be a totally good thing for us, but I mean, what if my cleaning OCD is getting on his nerves, or he hates living with a kid, or he doesn’t like that he’ll be getting my brother’s family in the deal when I won’t have any in-laws to deal with. I have such high hopes for such a simple life, but I can’t shake the feeling that I’m sabotaging myself all along the way.
We had sort of recovered by the time the menfolk had gotten home – I kind of wish we hadn’t, though, because then maybe Noodler wouldn’t have decided it was time for a little “talk”. We go outside and he's all, you're sleeping with Pizmo, huh. And I'm like... um, who cares? And he's all, well, you're a smart girl, I just hoped you would have learned form your mistakes. And I'm all, what the crap are you TALKING about? And he's like, well, you were all ready to dump Zandramas and then you got pregnant and had to marry him cause of the baby; I'd think you'd be a little less promiscuous this go-around.

Um, yeah. So he has, like, NO FREAKING IDEA about what REALLY happened. I was kind of peeved at that point, though, and I wasn't about to say, guess what, big brother, I was RAPED, k? So I just said something about how it was totally different, and of course he wanted to know why, and I couldn't really SAY anything at that point. UGH. Take a chill pill, I know what I'm doing, I'm totally in control here. If I do manage to get knocked up, then it's gonna be because I KNOWINGLY did something stupid.

He’s like, look, how do you expect to ever get married again if you’re going to give away the copper bolts without selling the forge? And I’m like, um, well, I’d hope that any man who marries me wants to do it because he loves me and not because he’s desperate to get in my pants. And he’s all, I hope you’re not just offering your body because you’re trying to keep him around, or letting him take advantage of you because you’re still vulnerable from Zandramas. Um, no, and this really isn’t any of your business ANYWAY. And he's like, sorry, I'm just worried about you, and I'm like, whatever, I didn't blow over 400 gold to come up here and be harangued.

So, Pizzy and I went back to our cabin and I crawled into his lap in front of the fire, and he held me while I cried. He told me he had heard me defending him out there, and he really appreciated it. Then Wynni crawled into my lap and we just had a big awkward pseudo-family cuddle. I don't care what my busybody brother thinks. I'm happy with Pizmo, and that's all that matters.

Welcome home, Pizzy

So, last night Pizzy got totally asked to go with my army to go to Serpentshrine Cavern. I guess they needed someone who was totally skilled at polymorphing to come along. It was kind of weird to have him going and me staying here, because usually it’s totally the other way around. But I was kind of glad that he left – he’d been working on this weird logging machine that looks kind of like a goblin shredder, except more like a harvest reaper from Westfall. It’s got these funky glowing lights on the shoulders and head, and while I know the townspeople of Westgarde were initially happy for the help, I think they’re afraid that this thing is totally gonna come kill them in their sleep.

Anyway, so I listened in on the officer channel (well, sort of – do you know how awful the reception is up here in Northrend? I swear, we’d do the world a favor if we built some repeater towers before we left) so I could kinda follow what was going on. Wynni and I were with Britta and Noodler, who really couldn’t follow what was going on, but that’s OK. I guess it was maybe a little rude to keep my buzzbox going that whole time while I was over for dinner and card games, but it’s like, Serpentshrine is MY territory, and it just killed me to know he was there and I wasn’t there to show him around, you know?

Well, Vashj stymied them, but Lurker, Leotheras, and Karathress all were defeated. I kept asking how Pizzy was doing but no one would tell me anything! I managed to gather that he didn’t quite have the damage output of everyone else, but he was good at turning nagas into sheeps and counterspelling when it was necessary, so that’s a bonus over some mages we’ve traveled with. I couldn’t find out anything about how he got along with people, though. I mean, I guess he was just quietly following orders and not really standing out or anything, but I guess I was kind of hoping to hear my friends tell me that holy crap, he’s like the coolest guy EVER. Oh well.
I made sure to get home before he did, get Wynni all tucked in, and get dinner made (big bear steak, yum). Britta and Noodler helped me summon him home before going to bed. He was tired and a bit worn – I guess Vashj’s lackeys roughed him up a bit – but he was TOTALLY thrilled because he came home with a bit of treasure: new gloves! We went upstairs and he ate his dinner while I rubbed his shoulders to get some knots out. He was SO totally excited to tell me about his experiences there – how he heroically shut down Karathress’ healer, how he blasted that crazy blind blood elf for all he was worth, how his arcane bag of tricks was perfect for helping keep Vashj’s fen striders under control. Having spoken with the officers already, I knew he was embellishing a bit, but it was still a joy to listen to.

As he finished eating and I began massaging down the rest of his aching muscles, he began gushing (haha, what a great pun!) about all the engineering in there. The bridge to Lady Vashj’s chambers is really pretty awesome, and I guess the whole place is a real engineering marvel – ginormous amounts of machinery sucking out the water of Zangarmarsh. Isn’t it funny how you totally ignore stuff like that when you go someplace all the time, and then when someone else experiences it for the first time, it’s like seeing it all over again?

We made love, and the last thing I saw before I drifted off to sleep for the final time was a contented smile on his face. I really hope that means that this evening was a pleasant experience for him. It was weird to be so domestic, but it was weirdly enjoyable too. I hope that he decides it’s an arrangement worth continuing.

Attack of the Vrykul!

Good grief, what a night. So, OK, after a pretty boring day, we put Wynni to bed, and Pizzy and I were enjoying ourselves upstairs a bit, celebrating his newly exalted status with the Shattered Sun Offensive. It was like, seriously, 11PM at night or whatever. And we start making love, and all of a sudden there's this banging on the door. I ignored it at first, but then I heard Noodler's voice hollering for me to open up. Gah. So Pizzy and I finished up, and I threw on a bathrobe while he got properly dressed. Noodler was a bit surprised at my dishevelment (though I don't know why he SHOULD be - hello, ELEVEN AT NIGHT, HOLY CRAP), but he was mostly panicked. He was like, Duerma, you guys have to get to the keep. The Vrykul are totally attacking. And I'm like, what? And then I heard the dragon scream. Crap crap crap.

So then I was like, look, Pizzy and I are trained professionals - we kick blood elf and dragon tushy on a regular basis. I'm not gonna hole up like a pansy when I could be totally helping. So I gave him Wynni to get to safety and I hustled upstairs to get my battle gear on. For once, I was glad that Pizzy seems to think that his pewpew clothes are appropriate for every occasion. And it's weird, but it felt really good to strap on those spiky shoulderpads of doom for once. I guess as much as I wish for a life of domesticity, this adventuring stuff is in my blood.
I popped up an Eye of Kilrogg to get a glimpse of whatever the heck was going on. There weren't a lot of them - seemed like just a skirmish or whatever - but these guys were seriously creepy. I mean, OK, so you know how humans are freakishly tall? Well, these guys were even BIGGER. Like, at least as big as Tauren, if not more so. And they kind of looked like humans, except kinda ugly, but they didn't move quite right. And then, of course, were the dragons. Geesh. They didn't look like real dragons - they were white, for one, and had yellowy wings. I don't think we're in Azeroth anymore.

We tiptoed outside and went around to the northeast, where the attacks were coming from. I'm not sure that even the Westgarde inbfantry noticed us. I cursed up the Vrykul while they weren't paying attention (with elements, maybe? Or is it shadow? Whatever the wild new flavor that is two curses in one! It's like a fruity juice blend!). We picked one and lit him up like a firecracker with a mad pyroblast/soulfire combo. A couple more hits and he was just a black mark on the ground. See how YOU guys like being burninated, huh? I sent my succubus in as a distraction (ooh, I wanted to smack her for that smirk she gave me and Pizzy before running out there, though), and as they chased her, I sacrificed her for some sick shadow power and let loose with a few shadowbolts.
It was pretty obvious we were there at that point, and we had to hide and let the infantry get their attention again before we could let loose with any other dirty tricks. It took awhile - at least half an hour of non-stop fighting - but we finally drove them off, and their little dragons, too. Several infantrymen were injured, but no one was killed. And we EVEN managed to take one of those Vrykul guys prisoner! Obviously they weren't expecting the gnome artillery. Hopefully that'll scare them off from attacking again for awhile.