Ratchet!

So, Zanny and I arrived in Booty Bay and started walking toward the boat, when we ran into an Azi! She seemed kind of disoriented, and she showed us this weird note she found. We weren't quite sure what it meant, but I resolved to ask Menara about it once we got to Ratchet.

Liverworst? I wondered as we sailed across the sea. What kind of a pet name is THAT? Some people are so weird.

So we got to Ratchet, and Zanny asked me to change clothes because I was scaring his mechanostrider. What-EVER! Oh well, I love my lovemelon, so I did.

Then we found Menara. "Heyyyyy, Menara!" She looked at me and sighed. I guess it knocks the breath out of you to be in the presence of greatness. "Do you know anyone named.... Liverworst?" Then I fell asleep. Zanny woke me up though. Menara was giving me such a weird look.

"I don't know anyone by that name. But I do know Liv Rizzlefix, Marvon's assistant, down in the workshop by the water."

"Of COURSE!" I cried. "Sugarbumpkin, did you ever meet her?" Zanny shook his head.

"I met her when I was helping out those guys in Un'goro Crater! After I went to the Sunken Temple, she analyzed the Atal'ai Haze I found there. I think I had to get something from the Crater for her but I can't remember what it is."

Zandramas smiled at me. "You're so smart, figgywiggy. But who is M? And what are the pineapples, and the juice?"

"Well, M has got to be Marvon, like Menara said! I don't know about the other stuff."

Zanny thought a moment, then said, "What if the pineapples are really grenades? Goblins seem to prefer explosions to the finer arts of gnomish gadgetry." He had recently learned to be an engineer, and now he was all full of civic pride.

"I wonder what the juice is?" I pondered this a moment, and then I fell asleep again.

To Booty Bay!

I was just getting ready to take off that hussy's head when I fell asleep. At all the most inconvenient of times! I didn't even get a chance to sic Mortimer on her.

Seeing the commotion I caused, Zanny suggested we step outside. I acquiesed, and Mortimer lumbered after me. I tried to ignore the screams that were coming from the crowd there. Surely they could understand that it was the only logical course of action when I saw that two-bit slut hitting on my snugglemuffin?

"Dearest applecheeks, she just wanted some help!" he protested. "You know I would never ever in a hundred bazillion years cheat on you!"

"I know, honeybunches, but I'm not mad at you - just her for her - her - ARRRRGH!"

Yes, I was frustrated, but I'm not known for being tongue-tied. No, Mortimer had just whacked me upside the head. Apparently I no longer had control of him. Hmm. Well, I wanted to catch up with that trollop, so I just banished him. That would give us a few minutes. We mounted up and rode to the gryphon master and I told the guards, "Hey, uh, there's an infernal back there. Might want to see to it."

"So, what in the Nether was so important that she had to be dripping all over you like yesterday's slag?"

Zanny recited the riddle from memory. He's so smart! What an excellent memory that one has!

"Well, the green traders have GOT to be goblins, right, tickletoes?" Zanny nodded. "And a pirate's park? Well, there are pirates in Tanaris, but they aren't liked very much."

"The Blackwater Raiders, loveydove! There in Booty Bay! They're pirates!"

"Of COURSE, strawberry of my eye!" Oh, this was coming together. That strumpet would be mine. And then nothing could stop me. "And across the watery dark?"

Zanny giggled. "Wigglebumpkin, how many times did we ride that boat from Booty Bay to Ratchet?"

Oh! Ratchet! He was right, of course - we had gone there about a zillion times while I was working to get my robe, and my felpuppy, and of course my incredible felsteed. And Menara ALWAYS had a way to know what was going on. She'd gotta remember me - I was the only person who ever fell asleep in the middle of summoning a felhunter.

Zanny and I got on a griffon together (good thing we're gnomes! Those massive, hulking humans could never dual-ride!) and flew to Booty Bay.

Investigations!

I was running a little bit late for the Gnomish Citizen's Congress. Wynni was just crabbier than a makura with a bad case of head lice! I think she's teething. Anyhow, I rode the tram over and hoped that Zanny had saved a spot for me. So I get there and what do I see?

This little white haired git is inching closer to MY HUSBAND and is WHISPERING in his EAR!

Well, I don't know what's going on. And you know what, any way I approach her is going to make some kind of a scene. So I might as well do it with style.

I did what any slightly possessive warlock would do: I called Mortimer the Infernal from the depths of the Twisting Nether! HAHA!

I was somewhat disappointed that there weren't any doors to bust down in order to get into the meeting, so I had him bust down the door of a nearby house just to make me feel better. Then I fell asleep. Not sure how long I was out, but a friendly passerby gave me a poke. I bet she was afraid Mortimer was going to eat her.

So after the door busting and snoozing, I went right back into that meeting.



"I BELIEVE YOU ARE SITTING NEXT TO MY HUSBAND!"

Hello world!

Hi everybody! This is DUERMA WHISTLESCREW, coming to you LIVE from Azeroth! Apparently the Kath-man wants some super writers for the Buzz, and when I heard that, I thought, HEY! No one is more super than ME! So I am TOTALLY here to regale you with stories of my travels around the world! There are DRAGONS! And GIANT BUGS! And ORCS! And NARCOLEPSY! This is going to be the hottest blog EVER! So stay tuned, my gentle readers, and prepare to be DUERMINATED!