Showdown

Well, everyone, I went to Dreadmist Peak. I begged. I pleaded. I argued. I diatribed and filibustered. I infernaled and rain-of-fired. I haven't been so persuasive since I was trying to convince Zannypoo not to leave me when I got pregnant. I yanked on skirts and kicked on shins. I had Mirantia out, killing Burning Blade acolytes and even the avatar of Rathorian himself with a single flick of her whip.

Nada.

I tried taunting Azi & Baji - or the demony thing possessing Azi & Baji - into fighting me, in hopes that I could drain their souls and purge the demon within. It worked with Karandan! Or at least get them knocked out enough that I could figure out what to do next. As such, I was wholly unprepared for what happened next.

Those of you who know me know that I don't like fighting the Horde. I think they are swell. I think orcs are terribly sexy and Taurens are too darn cute, and trolls aren't so bad either. Undead - eh, the rotting flesh thing is kinda creepy, but they haven't eaten the brains of anyone I know, so I don't bear them any ill will. In short, I think the Horde are swell! And I think Battlegrounds are silly for anything but honing our skills against our REAL enemies: The Burning Legion. The Qiraji. The Scourge.

So when demon-possessed Azi announced that the Horde and Alliance would fight each other for posession of the cave, I was stunned. Actually, I was stunned because the rogue behind me had me sapped before I knew what was gone. I tried to run out of the cave, tried to shout "NO, YOU FOOLS!", tried to summon my infernal, but I was hosed. Like, rubber hosed. I awoke to find that the Horde had won and Baji was free and Azi was still trapped and I was cursed.

As I rode away on Snookums, Mirantia jogging after me, I was thinking. And you know what? Nuts. Nuts to this. If I can't even cure one little demon posession, I must be doing something wrong as a warlock. I don't know exactly how I'm cursed, but I don't really care to find out. I've already lost one child, I'll be damned if I lose another. And I didn't travel around the world and get betrayed by Menara and strung up by Strahad to be stunlocked by a rogue and cursed for eternity.

So, if you need me, you'll find me in the first house on your left just south of the Mystic Ward. I'm gonig to raise my daughter and live to watch her reach adulthood. I've got my piggeh, and even though he's pretty stupid compared to Ziltal, he'll learn, eventually, how to wake me up. I'll tell you stories. I'll sew you clothes. I'll enchant your stuff. I'll help you birth your babies. But if you want demons? Sorry. I'm so done.

Naxxramas!

This is it, guys.

NAXXRAMAS. The BIG ONE. And I was there. Awwwww, yeah.

So, I teleport in (thanks, Johnny!) and I meet this former highborne elf, and he was depressio maximo. I asked him what his deal was. You know Medivh's staff? Yeah, it used to be his. He said that the staff had been broken into 42 pieces. 40 splinters of it could be found from the major bosses of Naxxramas. Kel'thuzad has its head. Brann Bronzebeard, last seen in Silithus, has its base. No one seems to know where Brann is though. I hope he didn't get eaten by C'thun. Anyway, put them altogether, and you have ATIESH. Pretty AMAZING, HUH?
Anyway, here's another picture of the inside of Karazhan: Nice interior decorating.


Now, when you get in there, you are in this big room with 4 doorways leading Northeast, Southeast, Northwest, and Southwest. There's also a little ramp leading up just above you. That's where I met Jimmy!

He was a nice guy! He repaired my stuff and sold reagents. He also gave me some Diet McWeaksauce and The McWeakSauce Classic, for free! he, like his brother, will not be around in our timeline. Too bad, he's a swell guy.

Anyway, here's what you see in each of the four wings:

Southeast is the "Necro" wing. There are 3 major boss guys down there: Noth the Plaguebringer, Heigan the Unclean, and Loatheb. I didn't see them at all, just these ghouls.


Southwest is the Deathknight wing. Down there you will find Instructor Rasuvious, Gothik the Harvester, and the Four Horsemen (including Mograine with his Corrupted Ashbringer!). Rasuvious is the only one anyone's been able to kill, and I hear you have to mind control his friends in order to do it! Wow!


Northwest is the Abomination wing. That's where you meet Patchwerk, Grobbulus, Gluth, and Thaddius. Thaddius, I hear, is like a big monster made of metal parts and humanoid parts, and he's brought to life with electricity. When you fight him, you and your group membersget a positive or negative charge. Don't get close to someone with the opposite!


Northeast is the spider wing, and that is where I went with my group! Tally-hooooo!


We squished them. Lots of poisons, though, so you healytypes will have to be on your guard. Oh! And now the raid leader can summon little marks like stars and moons and circles to put above players or bad guys, so when he says "Hey, go beat on that one" you know EXACTLY who he is talking about. Is that COOL or what? It was so very helpful this time around. I can't wait to try it out someday when we fight Garr.


Here's more squished spiders. And then we opened the door and there was... ANUB'REKHAN! Check it out!

He'sthe guy in the middle, of course. He started shouting creepy things at us, like "Closer now... tasty morsels. I've been too long without food. Without blood to drink." and "Yes, run! It makes the blood pump faster!"


We, uh, didn't have a very coordinated first pull.


This is a picture of him happily running back into his room after impaling us all. And causing nasty scarabs to rise from our dead bodies. Ewwwwww.

Anyway, we found things like Wartorn Plate Scrap and Wartorn Leather Scrap on some of the spiders. Apparently you gather up a bunch of them and then some master crafters will make you swanky new armor. Cool huh? I need to find these guys! I heard they are in Plaguewood but I'm not sure.

Anyway, that's all I've got for now! I hope to give you another installment tomorrow!

The Scourge throughout the world!

It's me! Back with more Duermalicious info from the FUTURE! (Don't worry Teldurn. I sent Corri home. If my calculatuions are correct, you should have seen her a couple nights ago!) And I have news for you!

First, Agent Eliora went to do some investigating in Azshara where there were supposed to be two other necropoli! Sure enough, she didn't have to go far before she found another pack of mean undead!

They were really close to the Ashenvale border. Can you see the little purple shootie thing in the picture, just above the deer's antlers? (That's a technical term, by the way.) That's communication to the crystal thinger from the necropolis! Cool, huh? As Eliora looked a little closer, she was able to see who was supportign that crystal.

Who is that guy? And why isn't he inherently hostile? Maybe he feels secure since he's surrounded by ghouls. Hmmm....

She also heard Kel'Thuzad yelling as she rode around. Whoa! Creepy!


Anyway, Eliora also wanted to show you the Argent Dawn guys in Darnassus, also in a tent by the bank.

She says if you've seen one troop, you've seen 'em all. They give the exact same info and quests as the Ironforge ones did. She also said she did the quest to kill undeads and explore runes in Teldrassil, and STILL no follow-up quest. She's disappointed, as am I.

OK! Now back to me at the Light's Hope Chapel! Lightlance missed a couple guys - apparently some of the Scarlet Crusade won't talk to you until you are friendly with the Argent Dawn! Must need proof you're not gonna kill them or something. Anyway, here's Rohan the Assassin:

He asked me to gather a bunch of skeleton fragments, and in return he would give me a Scarlet Crusade token. He's really nicer than his name implies, but he was annoyed at me for asking an obvious question.


This is Leopold. He wanted me to collect crypt fiend parts for a Scarlet Crusade token.

So now I bet you are wondering what these tokens are for! Glad you asked! I asked the Quartermaster, and here is what she said:

I could get a Band of Piety, a Band of Resolution, Verimonde's Last Resort, a Supply Bag, the Leggings of the Plague Hunter, or a Sanctified Leather Helm!

I asked if she had any better stuff, and she said why, yes!

If I handed in even MORE tokens, I could get an Amulet of the Dawn, some Bracers of Hope, some  Bracers of Subterfuge, a Medallion of the Dawn, a Talisman of Ascendance, or The Purifier!

Then I said, "Gee Miranda, isn't that a whole lot of tokens? Is there any way to make it easier?" And here is what she said:


So there you have it, folks! Better start working on your reputations now!

After chatting with all these lovely folks, I decided that now was the time to go to Naxxramas. I asked the Archmage what I needed to do to get attuned for Naxxramas. Here's what she said:

Um.... *GULP.* Why can't I just smack a crystal like I did for the Molten Core or Blackwing Lair? That's gonig to be EXPEEEEEEEEENSIVE! She did say that at revered or exalted reputations, it's better, but she wouldn't tell me exactly. Bummer. This is going to be rough. Fortunately, there was a guy named Johnny McWeaksauce standing just outside who slipped me the goods so I could go. Heh heh heh. He must be some kind of Bronze Dragon or something, 'cause he told me that when I returned to my ordinary timeline, I'd still have to gather the stuff. Bleah. Oh well! Stay tuned for a report on NAXXRAMAS because I was SO THERE!

Scourge report from Lightlance!

OK, so Lightlance went to scope out the folks in the Lights Hope Chapen since there were WAY too many tall people for me to see over yesterday. He thought I should show you all the keyring, since it's pretty nifty, so here you are, you curious people!


As Lightlance was riding up to the chapel (he only had 5 silver and couldn't afford the griffon, haha), he saw this bizarre contraption:


It's like a ribbon-pole... thing. He said he went up and touched it, and it gave him more fire resistance ((50))! How strange is that?

So, he goes to the chapel, and there are a bunch of people there, but not the swarms like I saw. Phew! So he was able to get pictures! First was this Tauren guy named Rimblat:


He didn't have anything for Lightlance to do. I guess you need to be as awesome as yours truly for that.

Anyway, Lightlance started investigating the characters inside. He met this fellow:

I wonder if he knows any men with 6 fingers?

He couldn't get any good snapshots of the guys inside because there were a bunch of nasty Tauren standing on the table. But he did meet this guy:

Seems... nice, huh?

The BEST part, though, was the conversation he overheard! He totally recorded it like a good dwarf. He's HIRED!





Eeenteresting dinner conversation, wouldn't you say? I'm excited! I want to know more! Don't you?

Well, this is Duerma, signing out, and I will give you more updates as soon as I have them. Tally-hooooooo!

Scourge report from Elliora!

OK, so here we are, day TWO of my foray into the unknown! Well, guess what happened? I met these nice folks, named Lightlance (a dwarf) and Eliora, a human. They said we were friends in the future. I was very confused, since of course I hadn't met them yet. This time travel stuff makes my head hurt!

So, I was having trouble getting up this morning ((PvE server was down)), so I had Lightlance and Eliora go out and do some scouting for me. They said they thought it would be kind of weird to do the talking since you haven't met them yet, so you'll get a Duermariffic interpretation of the pictures! Woohoo!

First, let's see what Eliora found out. She started out in Ironforge, and this time she actually did the quest from the Argent Dawn guy there. She had to kill sme undead guys and inviestigate the runes. Well, she did that... and that was it! No beaming up into a necropolis at all. I was so very bummed out to hear that. So, she went inside, and found some Argent Dawn guys camping by the bank!

Guy #1 was a quartermaster, so if the argent Dawn like syou you can buy stuff from him. Guy #2 gave Eliora field duty papers and asked her to report to Light's Hope Chapel. She was, understandably, less than enthused about the idea, since she's only got 43 seasons on her! The last fellow had interesting info on what was going on. Here's what he said:

So we better watch out! When she asked about the places he named, he said there were 2 necropoli each in Azshara, Blasted Lands, Burning Steppes, and Eastern Plaguelands, and then 3 necropoli in Tanaris and Winterspring. You destroy a necropolis by killing all the undead underneath it and destroying the crystal. Well, when Eliora told me this, I told her she HAD to investigate. She said OK, but being worried about Stromwind, she popped in to see what was going on there first.

Folks, Stormwind dowsn't look good. Dark ominous clouds are everywhere:


Undead are partying outside:


And here's the necropolis itself:


Then she hightailed it to Tanaris. And it was creepy Check out these Scourge guys:

These guys are mean. Eliora couldn't tell exactly how strong they were, but she knew they were probably more around Lightlance's caliber ((ie, skull at lvl 43)). She managed to find 3 different camps of them! And every so often the necropolis would zap a little purple thing itno the crystal. I guess that's how they control the undead or something. And the same dark, forboding clouds that covered Stormwind are in Tanaris. Hmmmm...


OK, that's it from Eliora. Let's see how Lightlance is doing!

Time travel to the SCOURGE INVASION!

Hello, it's me again! And I am having more craaaaaaazy adventures. Zanny and I have been working on a time-machine for the past couple months, and we finally got it worked out. So I went forward in time to see what kinds of things I could discover about our future. And WOW, Azeroth, we better watch out! I took Corrienda along to sneak some shots of the night elfy lands, since I was cruising right up to the plaguelands to get to the heart of the problem.

So, anyway, first thing's first. I step out of Ironforge, and I see THIS:

Holy CRAP! It was HUGE! This gigantinormous necropolis was floating just outside ironforge. There were some undead milling about too. There were way too many people for my tastes, so I didn't fully investigate it. I hope to report on what's inside of the necropolis at a later date.

Then I thought I'd model the new armor set for you all. The goblin who took my picture asked me to hold his gun above my head and make grunting noises. Must be some kind of goblin game they play in the desert. Whatever, here's the picture:


So then I flew up to the plaguelands. And let me tell you, it. Was. INSANE. There were so many people there I could barely move! Here's one guy I met:

He was a royal grouch. He wanted an argent dawn token before he'd give me anything to do. Fortunately, there was a nice gal from the Cenarion Circle (whom i couldn't get a picture of because a BIG FAT Tauren Shaman kept STEPPING ON ME) who said she'd give me one if I collected parts of noxious plants for her. Sounds fun! I'll give that a try.

Then I went inside the Chapel. Guess what! It's an inn now! The innkeeper's name is Jessica. She's a swell lady. But there were lots of other characters in there, INCLUDING this guy!

What the crap is a Scarlet Crusade guy doing there? I tried talking to him and he said he'd make me a frost ward or a shadow ward if I brought him stuff. He didn't say why he was working with the Argent Dawn though. ARG! I must know!

Confrontation!

Well, we didn't find that trollop - I guess she didn't figure out the clues as well as yours truly did. So Zan and I went home to Ironforge. After a routine day of frying disease ridden bats with the fires of hell, I was at home playing with Wynni on the floor. Zanny came in with the mail.

"Hmm, looks like your Mighty Tunic of the Monkey sold, muffin," he said, handing me a puch of coins. Not as heavy as I had hoped, but oh well. "And here's a letter for you."

"A letter?" Wow, no one ever writes to me. I hopped up and ripped it open. "Oh, it's from Corrienda, that cute druid who made me the elixirs." She made me some potions so I could get a bit closer to summoning my dreadsteed! In return, I beat up a dead guy to get some fancy gloves for a paladin that she's been mooning over. Encasing someone's hands in thick metal is an odd way to demonstrate affection, but hey, whatever floats your zeppelin!

Oh yeah, the note! Well, so I read it - she had copied something she found. I think it was connected to out little jaunt to Ratchet! And then I saw who signed it - Strahad!

I fell off my chair. That's probably more from falling asleep than beign surprised, but still!

"Zannykins, we need to go back to Ratchet!" I exclaimed.

"But applecheeks, it's the nanny's night off!" he protested, tossing Wynni in the air. She giggled and urped on his turban. "Can it wait until tomorrow?""No, I'm going tonight!" I proclaimed dramatically. "They must be stopped!" I changed into my Dreadmist outfit and grabbed my scythe, and tried to sneak out the dor before Wynni saw me. I wasn't successful. I hope she was screaming because she missed me and not because I looked scary.

So, I flew to Menethiland sailed to Theramore so I could squish some murlocs on the way, because the only thing scarier than a red eyed gnome on a flaming horse is a red-eyed gnome on a flaming horse covered in murloc guts!



Yeah, I said it! So I squished some murlocs and rode through the pirate camps until I showed up at Ratchet. I waved to the gobbies as I headed up the hill. They didn't wave back - must have been averting their eyes in awe.

So, I rode Snookums up the hill. There was Menara, chatting it up with some young human. I thought about trying to sell her a Robe of Arcana, but then I remembered I had more important things to do! I rode right up there and yelled "You no-good, lying, slag building trogg!"

Yeah, so that was attention-getting, huh? You know what's more attention getting? Falling asleep and falling off your horse! Oh, snap! I woke up and saw her standing over me. Holding my scythe. The young girl was gone. Uh-oh, I thought.

"Mar Aman, Miss Whistlescrew." Hmm, now wouldn't be the best time to tell her I got married, huh? This isn't going as well as I hoped...

The Caverns of Time!

Well, I apologize for the long hiatus, but guess WHAT! The crazy adventures of Duerma ARE BACK! See, once I attained my final season, my adventures just seemed kind of dull. THey lacked spice. Pizzazz. Until earlier this week, when I went to...

THE CAVERNS OF TIME!

Yeah, that place with the big gold dragons in front. They like to eat gnomes. But they can't eat gnomes if the gnomes are supder duper sneaky and climb in FROM BEHIND!

First, the long windy path down. As I went, there were all these buildings that were whoppyjawed in the sand!


\

You have to have good balance to be able to stay upright! And it wasn't just alliance buildings but orc buildings and tauren buildings too!



This is what I saw off to the side. You can climb up on the rocks and look down into the nothingness. It was amazing! I thought about jumping, but given that I couldn't see the bottom, I decided I'd never make it back out.

Here's a closer view of that funky energy stuff.


There were 3 instance portals down there, each with an elven arch thingy!

I tried going inside them, but I just kind of hit an invisible wall. Those tricksy dragons!

And finally, this is the coolest picture! There was this ginormous hourglass down in the middle:

But there was no top! The rocks were too big to climb over so I couldn't get into the sand, but I tohught it was nifty.

Anyhoooo, there you go! The Caverns of Time! Amazing place!