A totally awesome brief history of ME!

I grew up in Gnomeregan, but I never did have a head for machines. I married when I was 50 to an amazing guy named Rinkle Tinkerwrench, and I had a son, named Gibble. We were so happy! I worked as a midwife, sometimes even branching out and helping dwarves and humans birth their children as well.

But then the incident happened! The troggs invaded Gnomeregan and they made the decision to irradiate the place. It was horrible. Gibble became a crazed leper, and I don't even know if he is still alive or not. My son - my dear son! He was only 10, and he died from a toxic overdose.

I was lucky to escape with my life, but I didn't escape unscathed. The radiation ruined some of the neurons in my brain, and now I'm a chronic narcoleptic. Noodler and I tried so hard to find work after the incident, but I couldn't hold a job - I kept falling asleep at all the wrong moments.

Finally, I followed a gnome girl into Anvilmar, and it was there I met Alamar Grimm. I saw how his imp served him, and I was inspired - if I had an imp,k he could protect me if I fell asleep! And he could wake me up, too! So I begged him to teach me, and it was then I began in the ways of the warlock.

I was rather notorious by this point, and the butt of many jokes, so I moved to Goldshire for a new start. I found solace among the humans, and was able to have a safe environment while I progressed in my training.

I was totally progressing in my warlock studies to be WICKED AWESOME, and I started going to these Gnomish Citizen Council meetings! I met so many awesome gnomes there! Like, Picklewisp! And Pizmo! And Pepepper! And Zandramas!

So, yeah, Zandramas and I totally started dating and all. But you know what, to be honest, I really wasn't feeling it. He was nice enough and all, but I just totally didn't feel that click, and I really just wanted to move on. He wanted to move way to fast - he had a freaking RING on our SECOND DATE! I mean hello, I don't even KNOW you, and you're asking me to marry you, what? Yeah. See, but every time I tried to break it off, he threatened suicide. It was scary. And I didn't really know how to deal with it. In retrospect, I totally should have just pointed him toward the White Coven for counseling or something, but yeah, hindsight is always perfect or so they say.

So, I stayed in this relationship that I wasn't really happy in. I had an affair with this other guy that, while short-lived, made me realize that I could really be so much happier and I totally didn't need to tie myself to Zandramas. So, I got ready to break it off again. And then... I was helping this gnome guy named Tiggs, and he RAPED me.

Wow, that's SO much easier to write than to say. Boy, this letter writing idea of yours is totally spiffy. ANYWAY! So yeah, that happened. And as if that wasn't bad enough, a few weeks later I found out that I was pregnant, and I knew it was Tiggs' baby, because Zan and I NEVER - you know. UGH. What a freaking awful mess. So, I totally thought that Zandramas would end the relationship because hello, I'm pregnant with a baby that's not his! But no, he thought it was better that we get married so everyone would THINK it was his, and he could act as a daddy to the baby and all that. I was such a mess at that point. I didn't really want to get married, but on the other hand, I was feeling so totally worthless that I figured he was the only man EVER who would want me, and the baby did need a father, so I guessed it sorta worked out.

So, we got married, and the ceremony was nice, and I had a baby girl - Wynne - a little while after. Family life was pretty quiet for a little bit. But then, around the time that the Argent Dawn launched its assault on Naxxramas, he started acting really erratic. Like, he got rid of all his tailoring stuff and started learning engineering, and then he got rid of his engineering stuff and starting picking flowers, and so on. And then he totally disappeared, and came back and started blathering about dragons and everything. Then he left the Tower and ran off and joined some group to assault the Molten Core, but I don't understand why he had to do that when I could totally clean up the Molten Core and kick butt in Blackwing Lair and Ahn'Qiraj without ever leaving my guild, and whenever I met up with heim he totally didn't have naything to show for it, so what was the point, REALLY?

And THEN, he just TOTALLY disappeared. I tried to contact him, I tried EVERYTHING, but yeah. Nothing. So, I figured he was dead, but I got a bill of divorcement written up, just in case he ever moved back. I moved Wynne and me to Shattrath as soon as the portal opened, and I went about the business of kicking butt and taking names. I was raised as Emissary of the Tower, and I began leading people into Karazhan. Life was good. I was - and AM - a respected leader.

And then HE showed up AGAIN! And, inexplicably, he was re-admitted to the White Tower, apparently to win me back, or so the rumors said. Well, I served him those papers and avoided him like the plague. I wasn't going to get caught in that nonsense again. And then... well... a few weeks later his gryphon showed up at Wildhammer Stronghold, riderless. After some searching, we found his body - well, what was left if it; he was pretty skooshed - on the plains of Hellfire Peninsula. I guess he just flew his gryphon up as high as he could and then jumped. So I guess when he made all his threats of suicide from before, he wasn't kidding.

Wynne took it pretty well - I mean, I didn't let him see her after he showed up again because we had already been through the whole "Daddy's not coming home again" thing. But it was hard for me - I mean, I didn't love him; I'm not sure I ever did, but it's horribly shocking when something like that happens, you know?

Zandramas, dead.

Oh. My gosh. It's been a few days, but I'm still just FREAKING OUT more than anything. So, remember how I said that Zandramas had been totally hounding me, trying to get me to spend time with him so he could "win me back"? Well, I totally kept telling him no, right? Cause my family doesn't need that drama anymore. Wynni doesn't need a daddy who keeps disappearing. So I told him to bugger off. Didn't want to talk to him, didn't want to see him, nothing.

Well, last Sunday was totally the last time anyone heard from him. No one had seen him or anything. And then... then his gryphon (gosh, I can't even think of the NAME right now) showed up at Wildhammer Stronghold, sans rider. That was totally bizarre. So we sent people out looking, and we found him - well, what's left of him - near the road to Terokkar Forest, right there where all the voidwalkers and stuff are? Yeah. It was clear he died from the fall, but it looked like the voidwalkers there were enjoying sucking the last little bit of energy out from his corpse that they could.

So, my warder guy, Lightlance, and I scooped up his remains and we took 'em to a spot between Toshley's Station and Singing Ridge. I figured he'd like being near gnomes, and we all know his obsession with dragons. We had a quick ceremony for him, and my tears surprised myself. Maybe I'll bring Wynni here someday. He might not have been her biological daddy, but I know he loved her as if he were.

Stupid Zandramas. I always knew he was unstable, but I didn't think it would come to this. I mean, when I said I never wanted to see him again, I didn't mean it in a malicious sense. I wanted him to keep living and find happiness elsewhere. There's always a brighter future to look forward to. Always.