Letter to Azi's Captors
Friday, January 18, 2008
posted by Duerma @ 7:47 PM
To WHOM it may CONCERN:
I understand that you have my TOTALLY AWESOME friend, AZURIA DO-RAH'FULO in custody! Seeing how Azi has taken great strides in promoting interracial relations, beyond what any government-licensed diplomat could do, I'm TOTALLY wondering what the deal is. She mentions she's on trial for crimes against her people - but WHAT, I ask, does that entail?
I am Duerma Whistlescrew, EMISSARY of the Order of the White Tower, one of the leading forces for AWESOME in the Alliance. I totally have a cloak sewn from the scales of Onyxia herself! I've totally reduced the Firelord to a hammer in a puddle of lava, the Windseeker to a dying breath, and Nefarian to a heap of ash. I've totally earned the favor of the Cenarion Circle and the Bronze Dragonflight, seeing Ossirian the Unscarred and the Twin Emperors fall by my own hand (well, and that of the army I was with). I totally even penetrated Kel'Thuzad's dread citadel, NAXXRAMAS!
Since the re-opening of the Dark Portal, I've been totally active in assisting the Cenarion Expedition, becoming even MORE exalted in their sight than that of the Cenarion Circle back home. I've totally LED an ARMY to crush the dark forces of Karazhan - we can TOTALLY have tea there sometime, if you want! - and the fearsome Gruul the Dragonkiller. I'm now leading an army to TOTALLY CRUSH Lady Vashj in the heart of Serpentshrine Cavern - we've TOTALLY already slain 3 of her lieutenants!
Why the heck am I telling you all this? It's not just to say "Hey, I'm a big cheese" because even though that's totally fun, that's also totally not the point. No. I have TOTALLY got a deal for you. So, you know how the Bronze Dragonflight totally controls time and all that? Well, NOZDORMU'S chief consort, Soridormi has TOTALLY said that if I can rescue the last two Vials of Eternity, right now held by VASHJ and KAEL'THAS, then she will let me go BACK IN TIME to help at the Battle of Mount Hyjal. I'm totally serious!
So here's my proposal, Night Elf legal dudes. In exchange for releasing Azi, I will TOTALLY go back in time and fight in her place. I'm so serious! It might take me a couple months to finish getting to them, but when you're dealing with time travel, does it really matter? This way, we both get what we want - my friend is released, and you have more manpower - er, womanpower - at the Battle of Mount Hyjal.
Let me know what you think! Otherwise, I'm going after Illidan Stormrage next, and that's much less useful to you.
Sincerely,
Labels: azi
Friday, January 18, 2008
posted by Duerma @ 7:47 PM
To WHOM it may CONCERN:
I understand that you have my TOTALLY AWESOME friend, AZURIA DO-RAH'FULO in custody! Seeing how Azi has taken great strides in promoting interracial relations, beyond what any government-licensed diplomat could do, I'm TOTALLY wondering what the deal is. She mentions she's on trial for crimes against her people - but WHAT, I ask, does that entail?
I am Duerma Whistlescrew, EMISSARY of the Order of the White Tower, one of the leading forces for AWESOME in the Alliance. I totally have a cloak sewn from the scales of Onyxia herself! I've totally reduced the Firelord to a hammer in a puddle of lava, the Windseeker to a dying breath, and Nefarian to a heap of ash. I've totally earned the favor of the Cenarion Circle and the Bronze Dragonflight, seeing Ossirian the Unscarred and the Twin Emperors fall by my own hand (well, and that of the army I was with). I totally even penetrated Kel'Thuzad's dread citadel, NAXXRAMAS!
Since the re-opening of the Dark Portal, I've been totally active in assisting the Cenarion Expedition, becoming even MORE exalted in their sight than that of the Cenarion Circle back home. I've totally LED an ARMY to crush the dark forces of Karazhan - we can TOTALLY have tea there sometime, if you want! - and the fearsome Gruul the Dragonkiller. I'm now leading an army to TOTALLY CRUSH Lady Vashj in the heart of Serpentshrine Cavern - we've TOTALLY already slain 3 of her lieutenants!
Why the heck am I telling you all this? It's not just to say "Hey, I'm a big cheese" because even though that's totally fun, that's also totally not the point. No. I have TOTALLY got a deal for you. So, you know how the Bronze Dragonflight totally controls time and all that? Well, NOZDORMU'S chief consort, Soridormi has TOTALLY said that if I can rescue the last two Vials of Eternity, right now held by VASHJ and KAEL'THAS, then she will let me go BACK IN TIME to help at the Battle of Mount Hyjal. I'm totally serious!
So here's my proposal, Night Elf legal dudes. In exchange for releasing Azi, I will TOTALLY go back in time and fight in her place. I'm so serious! It might take me a couple months to finish getting to them, but when you're dealing with time travel, does it really matter? This way, we both get what we want - my friend is released, and you have more manpower - er, womanpower - at the Battle of Mount Hyjal.
Let me know what you think! Otherwise, I'm going after Illidan Stormrage next, and that's much less useful to you.
Sincerely,
Labels: azi
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