Seriously? Lay off.

Ugh, man, I was totally in a craptastic mood today, despite having had such a great evening last night. I dunno what my deal was. Anyway, Pizmo went off to work on his logging contraption, and I’m like, you know that’s scaring the crap out of everyone, right? And he’s like, I’m totally just trying to help, and I’m like, well, I’m not sure it’s really all that helpful, and we ended up getting into a fight. I just started crying, which is so not even like me, and then he felt really bad, but by that point, I was like, fine, just go work on your stupid logger thingee.

So, I go over to Britta’s to see how she’s doing, and she’s still totally freaking out about the whole Vrykul attack from the other night. She’s like, holy crap, maybe we should move to Valgarde cause they have a bigger contingent of soldiers, and I’m like, uh, I think they get attacked way more than you do. So then she was like, maybe going back to Azeroth would be smart, and I’m like, well, your family’s all here, and we’ve got undead and demons and all kinds of freaky things down there. There are some places that are safer than others, but I mean, nowhere is REALLY safe, you know?

And then – I have no idea what got me started – but all of a sudden I just could not stop worrying about Pizmo. I mean, I’m still so jealous of Noodler and Britta. They had troubles and stuff, but pretty much they decided to get married and then they did it. I still have no idea if Pizmo’s ever gonna want to settle down with me. I mean, as long as he can remember he’s been footloose and family-free, and he hasn’t ever dated anyone before, and then here I am with a kid and all kinds of psychological baggage ready to tie him down. And, like, this trip was supposed to be a totally good thing for us, but I mean, what if my cleaning OCD is getting on his nerves, or he hates living with a kid, or he doesn’t like that he’ll be getting my brother’s family in the deal when I won’t have any in-laws to deal with. I have such high hopes for such a simple life, but I can’t shake the feeling that I’m sabotaging myself all along the way.
We had sort of recovered by the time the menfolk had gotten home – I kind of wish we hadn’t, though, because then maybe Noodler wouldn’t have decided it was time for a little “talk”. We go outside and he's all, you're sleeping with Pizmo, huh. And I'm like... um, who cares? And he's all, well, you're a smart girl, I just hoped you would have learned form your mistakes. And I'm all, what the crap are you TALKING about? And he's like, well, you were all ready to dump Zandramas and then you got pregnant and had to marry him cause of the baby; I'd think you'd be a little less promiscuous this go-around.

Um, yeah. So he has, like, NO FREAKING IDEA about what REALLY happened. I was kind of peeved at that point, though, and I wasn't about to say, guess what, big brother, I was RAPED, k? So I just said something about how it was totally different, and of course he wanted to know why, and I couldn't really SAY anything at that point. UGH. Take a chill pill, I know what I'm doing, I'm totally in control here. If I do manage to get knocked up, then it's gonna be because I KNOWINGLY did something stupid.

He’s like, look, how do you expect to ever get married again if you’re going to give away the copper bolts without selling the forge? And I’m like, um, well, I’d hope that any man who marries me wants to do it because he loves me and not because he’s desperate to get in my pants. And he’s all, I hope you’re not just offering your body because you’re trying to keep him around, or letting him take advantage of you because you’re still vulnerable from Zandramas. Um, no, and this really isn’t any of your business ANYWAY. And he's like, sorry, I'm just worried about you, and I'm like, whatever, I didn't blow over 400 gold to come up here and be harangued.

So, Pizzy and I went back to our cabin and I crawled into his lap in front of the fire, and he held me while I cried. He told me he had heard me defending him out there, and he really appreciated it. Then Wynni crawled into my lap and we just had a big awkward pseudo-family cuddle. I don't care what my busybody brother thinks. I'm happy with Pizmo, and that's all that matters.