2 years of Wildfire Riders!

Ugh, kay, so I was totally planning on going to Blackwing Lair this evening, but at the last minute Tarqy-Tarq announced that it was the day for the Wildfire Riders' 2nd anniversary, and of course anyone who was anyone was going to be there, so that totally left me fresh out of raiders. So I went to the party - I mean, what the crap else was I going to do?

And so there was drinking and speeches and Grenny totally announced that he was retiring from adventuring, and I'm all, WHAT, cause he's totally my favorite priest EVER. And after he finished talking he totally pulled me outside, and I'm like, what, and he's like, do you hate Kaetta? And I'm like oh my GOSH, I can't believe she dragged him into this! So I tell him, I don't like, hate her hate her? But I mean, come on, she totally just trashed the best relationship ever with the best guy ever, and things were going so good and I love him and would totally marry him if he asked but now he's gone and it's all her fault and oh snap, I started to cry again. Go me go.

So Grenny's like, we should totally go look for him. And I'm all, what? He's like, we'll grab a tracker dude and we'll find Pizmo and I'll totally talk some sense into him. And I thought about it, and at first I was like, c'mon, it's not like I haven't been making any effort. I've totally harassed his employees and written him letters and sent him care packages and stuff. So yeah, I could go look for him, but he could be anywhere from Kezan to Northrend.

And it's totally been a long time. Maybe my letters just aren't getting to him... or maybe he just doesn't want to answer. And if he doesn't want to answer, then maybe I would just be wasting my time looking for him, time that might totally be better spent getting drunk and throwing darts at his picture and swearing off men forever and ever.

On the OTHER hand, maybe he's in trouble! Maybe he's held prisoner by ethereals or being tortured by psycho blood elves or something totally weird like that. Could I totally ever forgive myself if he was in trouble and I didn't go looking for him just because I thought he hated me forever or something? Even if he DOES hate me forever, if he was hurt, then I'd totally hate MYSELF forever, and that's just a lot of forever hatingness to deal with.

So, I'm like, kay. Let's find him. And we can take Melryn. And it'll be TOTALLY. AWESOME.

I've been careless with a delicate man

This just keeps getting worse and worse and WORSE. SERIOUSLY.

Kay, so I met up with Pizmo today, and I dressed up for the holiday, because I'm like, dude, I'm not going to let my psychotic soon-to-be-ex-best friend going to dictate whether or not I get to celebrate our love or whatever. Um, well, evidently Pizmo didn't agree. And he didn't agree that it was better to honor Kaetta's request to not interrupt than to jump in and make things worse. He didn't agree that her rant was totally stupid and beneath our attention. And he sure didn't agree that she didn't really insult him flat out, just kind of insinuated that if he messed up he'd be in trouble.

No, he felt hurt. Crushed. Stabbed in the back. That I didn't even care that he was getting ripped to shreds by this psycho that he had never even met before. That it meant I treated him one way when we were in private, and another when we were with other people. That my standing with other people was more important than his feelings. And he didn't understand how I could treat him like that.

I tried to explain everything to him. I really did. But... I dunno, it's like my mind turned to mush, and everything I tried to say sounded like idiocy. And all I could do was cry and apologize. My reasons were decent. They made sense. When I talked with Ilarra, she said it totally made sense. But nothing I could say could even TOUCH the pain that he felt. And even if my reasons are totally sensible and logical and he has no right to be upset with me? It doesn't change the fact that I totally devastated the person I love most.

Why does this even HAPPEN to me, GOSH? I never asked Kaetta to fall in love with me. It's just like two years ago - I never asked Jobe to fall in love with me. BUt they did - they can't control their stupid emotions when I'm involved with someone else and then stupid things happen and everyone blames me and it's NOT FAIR AT ALL. I just want to be friends with everyone. I want to be nice to people. I never wanted to hurt anyone.

Pizmo went so far as to suggest we break up for awhile, but I begged him to keep me. I don't have any sorting out to do. I know what I want - I want HIM. And I'll do anything, anything at all to fix this big stupid mess that I'm in. I'd do anything to see him smile at me again. I'd do anything to know that he's not just aching whenever he thinks of me.

Who does Number Two work for?

OK, so, I've totally been helping out this gnome dude named Narain Soothfancy! Evidently I need to do this so he'll build me an arcanite buoy so I can save the world or something. I'm like, whatever. ANYWAY! So this guy totally stole his book, and said to go to this place in Winterspring with the ransom money! And Narain's like, let's not REALLY give him the money because that's stupid! And let's not REALLY have me go cause then he'l beat me up and I can't build your buoy. You're an adventurer, YOU GO!

And so he gave me a costume, and I called up Alhena and Zharia for backup, and we went to the dropoff point. I put on the costume, and it was, uh, better than I thought. Yeah, that gnome dude in the picture there? That is TOTALLY ME. How freaky is THAT? Man, what an ugly mustache. I'm so glad Pizzy doesn't have facial hair.

ANYWAY! So we totally dropped off the gold, and waited, and waited, and after what seems like FOREVER, this dude in a gyrocopter comes flying up. Totally ugly. And he's like, dude, you tried to trick me? SO uncool.

And so he was like, you get to fight my giant psycho monkey - NUMBER TWO!

And the gnome dude takes off. Jerk. So we beat up the monkey, and he's kind of a pushover.

So, I fly back to Narain and tell him what happened, and he's like GRR, it's my nemesis Doctor WEEVIL! You need to go to Alcaz Island and kick his butt! So I guess that's where I'm headed next!

Letter to Kaetta

Dear Kaetta,
Yeah, I know it's like totally lame to be writing you a letter and all, but I really don't feel like dealing with you in person until I've had a chance to talk with Pizzy. He's still too upset to talk to me. I can't even FIND him right now.

So, seriously, what in the name of Thermaplugg's left testicle were you THINKING? Huh? I mean, honestly, it's one thing to say hey, be good to her, but to go completely BANANAS like you did? I mean, was there any call for that? To go on a yelling kick with someone you had never even MET before that day? There's nothing wrong with your message, but holy crap, the presentation is like, I dunno, using nukes on Gnomeregan. Totally overkill. And producing
the totally opposite result of what you intended.

And besides, it's one thing if I'm coming home with bruises or something like that. But I mean, come on, I don't want him to be afraid to just break up with me, gosh. He should be with me because he wants to be with me, not because he thinks my crazy friend is going to rip out his innards if he ends it. I mean, geez, how freaking manipulative is that? That's like my relationship with Zandramas – I couldn't end it because he'd commit suicide. That's severely not cool, and
NOT what I want.

I mean, honestly,haven't we TALKED before about how insecure Pizmo is? First girlfriend ever and all that? Right now he is trying his hardest and doing the best he can to be awesomest guy EVER in like ALL different aspects of a relationship. And he's been really, really amazing. I mean, yeah, he messes up sometimes, but sweet mother of Mekkatorque, he's a gnome just like you and me. He's not perfect. And that's OK.

And really? This totally leaves me questioning your motivations. Are you jealous of me? Well, you tell me all the time, but I mean, seriously? Or better yet, are you jealous of HIM? Do you suppose that breaking us up means you could have a shot at him, or a shot at me? I mean, really? Cause if that was, in fact, your motivation, you've totally borked that up.

I dunno what's gonna happen with Pizzy. I had been looking forward this week to a nice romantic dinner in a lovely red dress, eating chocolates or whatever, but now I get to see if I still have a relationship in the first place. And you know what, Kae? If Pizmo breaks up with me, yes, I will be miserable and devastated. But you won't have reason to lay a finger on him. Know why? Because the dissolution of my relationship would be TOTALLY YOUR FAULT.

I'd like to stay friends. With any luck, Pizzy and I will totally be able to work stuff out and it'll be no big deal at all and you and I can work on patching things up then. But, like I said at the start of this letter, I totally don't think I can interact with you until I can do some damage control. We can talk Monday night, I guess, when I finish beating up Vashj, since I totally will have seen him during the day. Hopefully, we can totally reconcile.

Love,
Duerma

A visit to the South Seas

OK, so, Anachronos totally sent me to talk to Azuregos (who is like insanity squared), who then sent me to talk to this gnome dude in Tanaris, Narain Soothfancy. He needs to build an Arcanite Buoy for me, I guess, but he can't figure out what Azuregos was trying to say in the letter he wrote. So, he was like, I crashed my plane this one time down in the South Seas, and you should totally look for my Draconic for Dummies book there. And I'm like, kay, where's the boat? And he's like, you're such a kidder. Jerk.

Kay, so I started heading out there, and I met this naga chick who totally had the hots for Narain. (And really, who can resist a gnome's animal magnetism? Rawr, baby!) So I totally let him know, and he's like, boom baby, but she's a fish, so no dice. Well, OK, whatever. I head back there to let her know. Calanan was totally bored and so he came out with me. And she's like, hurray, you've finally professed my love, let me sing you a song - before I could even tell her that dude, he's JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU. And so then all of a sudden I was like UBER SWIMMER! And so we swam ALLLLL the way out to this little island. There was another little island, and that's were we found the ransom note, but that's not important at the moment. Check this out:
Isn't that like the most gorgeous house ever? Oooh, and I have more.

How gorgeous is that view? And here's the house itself. Isn't it CUTE? And this island is totally uninhabited, except for a couple wussy pirates who mostly keep to themselves. This would be like the most amazing place to live EVER. Gnomish architecture, warm weather, beautiful views? Yes please. I should totally bring Pizmo here, assuming he's still speaking to me and stuff. Maybe we could retire here when we're done saving the world and stuff. And it's totally perfect - I mean, he's a mage, so he can portal to a major city to go grocery shopping, and I'm a warlock, so I can just summon folks back when we're done. All the benefits of living in isolation with all the convenience of modern magic!

Kaetta has her piece

OK, so, like, we were at the War of the Shifting Sands thinger that I talked about before, right? And everyone dissipated, except Pizzy, and me, and Kaetta, and Bellesta (cept I didn't know Bellesta was there until just a sec later). And Kitty-Kaetta's all, are you sure you wanna be here for this, Duermy? And I'm like, oh my GOSH, what are you going to SAY to him? This is totally unnecessary. But she persisted, and so I was like, OK, look, I'll stay here and listen, because either I hear it first hand or Pizmo's gonna come and tell it to me anyways.

So then she's like "I see through your nice guy persona, and if you hurt Duerma at all, then you're going to be scattered to the sands of time." OK, well, she said a lot MORE than that, but it was basically that over and over. Bell and I just kind of hung out, listening, not interrupting because that would just prolong the whole stupid ordeal.

Finally, after what seemed like freaking FOREVER, she shut up, and Pizmo was so mad. Like, I don't think I've ever seen him so mad. He was all, what is your PROBLEM, GOSH, Duerma's happier with me than ever, and you're ranting and raving like I'm a common criminal or something! And, of course, there was more to that, too, but that's the gist of it. When he was done, he portalled away. I have NO idea where he went.

Kaetta was all, "Sorry Duermy, but I had to do it." And I was like, you know what? No, you really didn't. I used my hearthstone to go to Shattrath, but I couldn't find him anywhere. I checked where I could in Ironforge, too, but nothing. I have no idea where he went to. And I'm so worried that he's going to be upset with me for my insane friend. As for Kaetta... I don't even know what to say to her until I've had a chance to damage control.

It totally figures! Just when things were going smoothly, something like this happens. Grrrrr.

The War of the Shifting Sands

OK, so oh my gosh, I've totally been helping out the Bronze Dragons in Silithus for what seems like FOREVER and they FINALLY decided that they liked me, and so they were all, OK lady, we're totally gonna teach you about Ahn'Qiraj and how it got all sealed up and stuff. And so I'm like, Kay, can I bring 20 of my bestest friends ever? And they're like, sure, whatever!

So we all boogie down to Silithus, and I take a spy in this crystal. All of a sudden, we see these dudes talking, and these night elf guys are fighting like a million bugs or and Anubisaths! Then one by one, each of the talking dudes turns into a DRAGON and does crazy magic stuff to help kill off the bugs! Then Anachronos, who was in charge of the gig, totally manages to seal off the joint, and has this scepter that'll open it again if necessary. And he totally gave it to none other but Fandral Staghelm! Fanny, you see, was totally the dude who asked the dragons for help in the first place. And then he threw a temper tantrum and totally busted the scepter, cause he was like, whatever, this won't bring back my son! (Even if it TOTALLY saves the world? Sheesh.)

So that's the gist of it! Then I totally boogied back to see Anachronos and he set me about gathering the shards of the scepter. This is totally gonna be a blast.

Searching for something

Another day with Pizmo! I'm really digging this regular interaction. I worry SO much less when I know he's going to be around. And, I dunno, it kind makes everything seem more real and stuff.

Anyway! So, we had totally previously decided that we were going to spend our day looking for certain elusive recipes. That's nice and all, but you know, it's also kinda boring. So, I decided to make things more interesting by wearing my off the shoulder Draenei dress for our expedition. Yeah, it meant my pewpew power was a little less, but whatever!

So, we totally went to Eclipse Point first to look for my recipe, and none of those blood elves had it. It was really tedious going around and interrogating every single one, so I started seriously flirting with Pizmo. It feels kind of weird to be a leader of the free world and yet be using my body like a hussy in a tavern, but it's SO FUN because he is SO easily affected and he wears his emotions on his sleeve. The way he was reacting, I was expecting him to make love to me right there. But, to his credit, he kept after the blood elves.

We weren't really making any progress, so we headed over to Coilskar point to try to find his recipe. We didn't have to threaten many naga before they gave it up. He was so excited! And I'm glad, too, cause I'm gonna need one of those diamonds here eventually. So I was all, let's celebrate! And he's like, what about the blood elves? And I'm like, forget about it, we need fireworks! So I made him portal us to Ironforge and we bought fireworks and set them off.

Then I was like, do you know how to MAKE fireworks? And he's all, no! And so then I had him follow me all over Lordaeron to visit the elders and collect their coins so we could buy some schematics for him. I think he had a lot of fun with that wild goose chase - he seemed to be a lot more relaxed after we finished.

We teleported up to Moonglade, where the Lunar Festival was in full swing, and bought some stuff. I used my coins to buy one of Pizzy's schematics. And then... he bought a tailoring pattern. And I'm like, um, all that running around was for YOUR benefit and you just buy something you can sell anyways? SO. Lame. But, whatever.

So then he was like, kay, should we go back and attack the blood elves again, and I'm all, no, we totally need some alone time that doesn't involve lighting other people on fire. So he started thinking of where we could go, and I think he suggested Azshara or something? I told him no, he'd get sunburned; he mentioned his hat and I told him his hat can't cover up the rest of him. It FINALLY clicked, and then he started babbling off ALL sorts of different places - I swear, he named like every place that has at least one shade tree or something. I swear, he doesn't have enough blood to run both his brain and his... um, never mind.

So, I let him know that every minute he spent babbling or we spent traveling was a minute that we couldn't spend on more pleasurable pursuits. I think I exploded his brain or something. I'm thinking I shouldn't tease him anymore, at least until he figures out how to make the first move already. Anyway, so we found a quiet room in Nighthaven, and he decided he would give me a massage, because in his view we'd only done things for him all day. Fine by me! It was really good, too - I'm impressed that he could give such a good one.

We made love after that, and I won't get into the details, but suffice it to say, I apparently giggled at an inappropriate time, he freaked out, and starting accusing me of thinking that he didn't satisfy in bed and a bunch of crap like that, and I'm just like, come ON. You said something funny, I've been perfectly happy with all our other experiences, and so on. He wasn't satisfied, though, until I told him he was better than Zandramas. That's not really hard to do, since Zandramas had the libido of a dead eunuch, but you know, whatever makes him happy. Geesh.

So, that was our day. It really was pretty good, and I love him to bits. He can just be kinda frustrating sometimes.

Told him so

Dear Pizmo,
NOT PREGNANT.

Love, Duerma.

PS: Ow.

DEAD BLOOD ELF

So, our totally amazing rampage through Serpentshrine Cavern TOTALLY CONTINUES! Tonight, we totally met up with this guy named Leotheras the blind. Apparently he's blind because he totally put out his own eyes so he could see demons, but that was a totally bad gig cause now he's all taken over by a demon and stuff. And so we go in and he's like MUAHAHA, I SPIN IN CIRCLES, and we were all OMG RUN AWAY! And then he was all, FIREBALLS ON HAMMY PEWPEWPEW and we all had mini demons we had to shoot at and when he was close to dead he totally split in two and became both a demon AND a blood elf at the SAME TIME. Totally creepy. But we were like, WHATEVER! More ASS to kick! And so we did and he was totally dead.
So, guys, that's totally the fifth lieutenant of Lady Vashj we've killed! THE LAST lieutenant! That means all that's left is the snaky lady HERSELF! How totally wild and crazy is THAT?