It's not you, it's me. Seriously.

Well, that explains why I was so crabby yesterday – my monthly reassurance that I’m not pregnant showed up this morning. I had forgotten that was going to happen while we were here. Fortunately, I totally remembered supplies before we left, so the only embarrassment was a delay in fixing breakfast.

Well, at least at first. When I put Wynni down for a nap, Pizmo wanted to get a little busy, and I’m like, you know what, this is so not going to work today. And he’s all, holy crap, you’re actually buying into what Noodler said, aren’t you? You don’t think it’s OK for us to sleep together before the altar because of your brother. And I’m like, no, that’s not it at all – just a bad day, is all. And he’s like, Noodler doesn’t know Pizmo at all, he has no right to say all that stuff. He can get SO focused on a single argument that he doesn’t pay attention to rebuttals unless they totally slap him across the face. It makes me crazy.

So finally, after he carried on for a while, I’m like, look, the reason we can’t sleep together right now is because I’m bleeding and it would be painful and messy, so you’re just going to have to wait a couple days, all right? He was really quiet for a while, and then he says, “Pizmo broke ya, didn’t he.” And I’m like, holy crap, what the heck are you TALKING about? He reasoned that the only way I could be bleeding from that particular spot was if he had injured me during sex. He went on to suggest that I see a doctor and said that he hoped I wasn’t broken forever because of him.

Whoa. I mean, seriously, WHOA. He’d made so much progress in the last several months that I had sort of assumed his naivety was a thing of the past. And I mean, come on, menstruation is one of those facts of life, you know? This one totally came out of the Twisting Nether. So I try to explain to him that it’s something that happens every month, and given how freaked he is about the idea of starting a family, it should be seen as a good thing, cause it means that I’m not pregnant.

I think that last point totally flew over his head, cause he’s like, so your body just breaks down every month? That’s worse than goblin engineering. How long will it take to fix ya? And I’m like, STOP saying that I’m broken! For the love of Gnomeregan, you’re not broken if you have to go use the outhouse, right? This is the same deal, except it’s every few weeks instead of every few hours. And it only lasts a few days, so it’s not like it’s some dire situation or whatever. And it fixes itself, so I don’t really have to do anything.

By this point, he’d begun to realize that this was a bit of basic information that he should have known. He started sputtering about how of course he had known this, he was just testing me and so on, and I’m just like, Pizmo, come off it. I don’t give you this song and dance when you teach me something about engineering or whatever. Just file it away, and for Light’s sake, get me a hot towel and some chocolate.

Seriously? Lay off.

Ugh, man, I was totally in a craptastic mood today, despite having had such a great evening last night. I dunno what my deal was. Anyway, Pizmo went off to work on his logging contraption, and I’m like, you know that’s scaring the crap out of everyone, right? And he’s like, I’m totally just trying to help, and I’m like, well, I’m not sure it’s really all that helpful, and we ended up getting into a fight. I just started crying, which is so not even like me, and then he felt really bad, but by that point, I was like, fine, just go work on your stupid logger thingee.

So, I go over to Britta’s to see how she’s doing, and she’s still totally freaking out about the whole Vrykul attack from the other night. She’s like, holy crap, maybe we should move to Valgarde cause they have a bigger contingent of soldiers, and I’m like, uh, I think they get attacked way more than you do. So then she was like, maybe going back to Azeroth would be smart, and I’m like, well, your family’s all here, and we’ve got undead and demons and all kinds of freaky things down there. There are some places that are safer than others, but I mean, nowhere is REALLY safe, you know?

And then – I have no idea what got me started – but all of a sudden I just could not stop worrying about Pizmo. I mean, I’m still so jealous of Noodler and Britta. They had troubles and stuff, but pretty much they decided to get married and then they did it. I still have no idea if Pizmo’s ever gonna want to settle down with me. I mean, as long as he can remember he’s been footloose and family-free, and he hasn’t ever dated anyone before, and then here I am with a kid and all kinds of psychological baggage ready to tie him down. And, like, this trip was supposed to be a totally good thing for us, but I mean, what if my cleaning OCD is getting on his nerves, or he hates living with a kid, or he doesn’t like that he’ll be getting my brother’s family in the deal when I won’t have any in-laws to deal with. I have such high hopes for such a simple life, but I can’t shake the feeling that I’m sabotaging myself all along the way.
We had sort of recovered by the time the menfolk had gotten home – I kind of wish we hadn’t, though, because then maybe Noodler wouldn’t have decided it was time for a little “talk”. We go outside and he's all, you're sleeping with Pizmo, huh. And I'm like... um, who cares? And he's all, well, you're a smart girl, I just hoped you would have learned form your mistakes. And I'm all, what the crap are you TALKING about? And he's like, well, you were all ready to dump Zandramas and then you got pregnant and had to marry him cause of the baby; I'd think you'd be a little less promiscuous this go-around.

Um, yeah. So he has, like, NO FREAKING IDEA about what REALLY happened. I was kind of peeved at that point, though, and I wasn't about to say, guess what, big brother, I was RAPED, k? So I just said something about how it was totally different, and of course he wanted to know why, and I couldn't really SAY anything at that point. UGH. Take a chill pill, I know what I'm doing, I'm totally in control here. If I do manage to get knocked up, then it's gonna be because I KNOWINGLY did something stupid.

He’s like, look, how do you expect to ever get married again if you’re going to give away the copper bolts without selling the forge? And I’m like, um, well, I’d hope that any man who marries me wants to do it because he loves me and not because he’s desperate to get in my pants. And he’s all, I hope you’re not just offering your body because you’re trying to keep him around, or letting him take advantage of you because you’re still vulnerable from Zandramas. Um, no, and this really isn’t any of your business ANYWAY. And he's like, sorry, I'm just worried about you, and I'm like, whatever, I didn't blow over 400 gold to come up here and be harangued.

So, Pizzy and I went back to our cabin and I crawled into his lap in front of the fire, and he held me while I cried. He told me he had heard me defending him out there, and he really appreciated it. Then Wynni crawled into my lap and we just had a big awkward pseudo-family cuddle. I don't care what my busybody brother thinks. I'm happy with Pizmo, and that's all that matters.

Welcome home, Pizzy

So, last night Pizzy got totally asked to go with my army to go to Serpentshrine Cavern. I guess they needed someone who was totally skilled at polymorphing to come along. It was kind of weird to have him going and me staying here, because usually it’s totally the other way around. But I was kind of glad that he left – he’d been working on this weird logging machine that looks kind of like a goblin shredder, except more like a harvest reaper from Westfall. It’s got these funky glowing lights on the shoulders and head, and while I know the townspeople of Westgarde were initially happy for the help, I think they’re afraid that this thing is totally gonna come kill them in their sleep.

Anyway, so I listened in on the officer channel (well, sort of – do you know how awful the reception is up here in Northrend? I swear, we’d do the world a favor if we built some repeater towers before we left) so I could kinda follow what was going on. Wynni and I were with Britta and Noodler, who really couldn’t follow what was going on, but that’s OK. I guess it was maybe a little rude to keep my buzzbox going that whole time while I was over for dinner and card games, but it’s like, Serpentshrine is MY territory, and it just killed me to know he was there and I wasn’t there to show him around, you know?

Well, Vashj stymied them, but Lurker, Leotheras, and Karathress all were defeated. I kept asking how Pizzy was doing but no one would tell me anything! I managed to gather that he didn’t quite have the damage output of everyone else, but he was good at turning nagas into sheeps and counterspelling when it was necessary, so that’s a bonus over some mages we’ve traveled with. I couldn’t find out anything about how he got along with people, though. I mean, I guess he was just quietly following orders and not really standing out or anything, but I guess I was kind of hoping to hear my friends tell me that holy crap, he’s like the coolest guy EVER. Oh well.
I made sure to get home before he did, get Wynni all tucked in, and get dinner made (big bear steak, yum). Britta and Noodler helped me summon him home before going to bed. He was tired and a bit worn – I guess Vashj’s lackeys roughed him up a bit – but he was TOTALLY thrilled because he came home with a bit of treasure: new gloves! We went upstairs and he ate his dinner while I rubbed his shoulders to get some knots out. He was SO totally excited to tell me about his experiences there – how he heroically shut down Karathress’ healer, how he blasted that crazy blind blood elf for all he was worth, how his arcane bag of tricks was perfect for helping keep Vashj’s fen striders under control. Having spoken with the officers already, I knew he was embellishing a bit, but it was still a joy to listen to.

As he finished eating and I began massaging down the rest of his aching muscles, he began gushing (haha, what a great pun!) about all the engineering in there. The bridge to Lady Vashj’s chambers is really pretty awesome, and I guess the whole place is a real engineering marvel – ginormous amounts of machinery sucking out the water of Zangarmarsh. Isn’t it funny how you totally ignore stuff like that when you go someplace all the time, and then when someone else experiences it for the first time, it’s like seeing it all over again?

We made love, and the last thing I saw before I drifted off to sleep for the final time was a contented smile on his face. I really hope that means that this evening was a pleasant experience for him. It was weird to be so domestic, but it was weirdly enjoyable too. I hope that he decides it’s an arrangement worth continuing.

Attack of the Vrykul!

Good grief, what a night. So, OK, after a pretty boring day, we put Wynni to bed, and Pizzy and I were enjoying ourselves upstairs a bit, celebrating his newly exalted status with the Shattered Sun Offensive. It was like, seriously, 11PM at night or whatever. And we start making love, and all of a sudden there's this banging on the door. I ignored it at first, but then I heard Noodler's voice hollering for me to open up. Gah. So Pizzy and I finished up, and I threw on a bathrobe while he got properly dressed. Noodler was a bit surprised at my dishevelment (though I don't know why he SHOULD be - hello, ELEVEN AT NIGHT, HOLY CRAP), but he was mostly panicked. He was like, Duerma, you guys have to get to the keep. The Vrykul are totally attacking. And I'm like, what? And then I heard the dragon scream. Crap crap crap.

So then I was like, look, Pizzy and I are trained professionals - we kick blood elf and dragon tushy on a regular basis. I'm not gonna hole up like a pansy when I could be totally helping. So I gave him Wynni to get to safety and I hustled upstairs to get my battle gear on. For once, I was glad that Pizzy seems to think that his pewpew clothes are appropriate for every occasion. And it's weird, but it felt really good to strap on those spiky shoulderpads of doom for once. I guess as much as I wish for a life of domesticity, this adventuring stuff is in my blood.
I popped up an Eye of Kilrogg to get a glimpse of whatever the heck was going on. There weren't a lot of them - seemed like just a skirmish or whatever - but these guys were seriously creepy. I mean, OK, so you know how humans are freakishly tall? Well, these guys were even BIGGER. Like, at least as big as Tauren, if not more so. And they kind of looked like humans, except kinda ugly, but they didn't move quite right. And then, of course, were the dragons. Geesh. They didn't look like real dragons - they were white, for one, and had yellowy wings. I don't think we're in Azeroth anymore.

We tiptoed outside and went around to the northeast, where the attacks were coming from. I'm not sure that even the Westgarde inbfantry noticed us. I cursed up the Vrykul while they weren't paying attention (with elements, maybe? Or is it shadow? Whatever the wild new flavor that is two curses in one! It's like a fruity juice blend!). We picked one and lit him up like a firecracker with a mad pyroblast/soulfire combo. A couple more hits and he was just a black mark on the ground. See how YOU guys like being burninated, huh? I sent my succubus in as a distraction (ooh, I wanted to smack her for that smirk she gave me and Pizzy before running out there, though), and as they chased her, I sacrificed her for some sick shadow power and let loose with a few shadowbolts.
It was pretty obvious we were there at that point, and we had to hide and let the infantry get their attention again before we could let loose with any other dirty tricks. It took awhile - at least half an hour of non-stop fighting - but we finally drove them off, and their little dragons, too. Several infantrymen were injured, but no one was killed. And we EVEN managed to take one of those Vrykul guys prisoner! Obviously they weren't expecting the gnome artillery. Hopefully that'll scare them off from attacking again for awhile.

Current events in the Howling Fjord

Pizzy had to get back to civilization for some work today, so I spent the day just hanging out with Britta. I figured at the very least, I could get a feel for recent events in the Howling Fjord so I knew what to start gathering info about. She was thrilled to death to have visitors - I guess she quit her job at the inn a couple weeks ago, and she's been pretty bored and lonely at home by herself. Wynni had fun playing with the stuff she'd prepared for the baby, and Britta and I were able to just chat for awhile.

Evidently, the Vrykul - those guys who harpooned our boat - have been a serious problem lately. I guess they've been here all along, but have only become a threat in the recent years. She said that overall, Westgarde was a lot safer than Valgarde, but their activity has picked up a bit here too. Britta told me that she was thrilled that I was able to come up - evidently the only midwife in the region was killed in an attack a few months ago, and she's been scared to death about the upcoming birth ever since then. I'm like, you know I fall asleep, right? And she said that her mother would be here with any luck, and if not, at the very least Noodler could have poking rights.
Anyway, more stuff! Her brothers haven't always had to go all the way up to the Grizzly Hills for their logging stuff - there used to be plenty of forest right there around Westgarde for their needs. The Vrykul came in, though, with dragons, and burnt the forest all around, presumably to make way for ground troops. The dragon bit was kinda whoa - I asked if she knew what color they were, but she replied that she hadn't even seen what happened. All the women and children are ushered into the bottom of the Keep at any sign of danger. I'm curious and suspicious now - could it be more black dragons like the orcs use in the Spire?

The one bit of positive news that she had was that the Explorer's League was sending people up here in droves. I guess after Uldaman had been pretty thoroughly searched, they didn't have much left to do in Azeroth, and Northrend was the next frontier of choice. (Course, there's still freaking ULDUM down there in Tanaris that hasn't even been sniffed at, but maybe people were sick of desert after hanging out in Silithus for so long.) The prize site is, obviously, Ulduar up in the Storm Peaks, but they are digging in everywhere they can. There's a big operation in the Grizzly Hills, but they're setting up excavations all over the Howling Fjord because who knows what they'll find? And while they have an independent operation over on the eastern cliffs, they're also setting up one nearby and using Westgarde as a base.

She started asking me about Pizzy after that, and it's sure a lot easier to be candid when he's not wringing his hands beside me and Noodler's not giving me the protective big brother evil eye. I opened up to her a bit about the whole debacle in February; she was a bit concerned, of course, but she told me about a huge fight that she and Noodler had had during their courtship. I guess there was some problem between him and one of her brothers, and her brother had made some racist remarks, and she hadn't understood what had happened exactly and so sided with her brother at first. Just like between Pizzy and me, things got all out of hand, and neither was really listening to what the other was saying, and they ended up breaking up for a couple months. It took them awhile to smooth things over, and it was a long time before Noodler was really accepted by her family, but it all turned out all right in the end.

I summoned Pizzy back after dinner. (No mail for me, what gives? If I were still a major leader and I had someone offering herself as a spy, I'd be like, hook me UP! Information's what makes the world go round, after all.) While he worked on cutting a gem for his new wand, I told him the story that Britta had told me. I figured it'd be good for him to realize that everyone has problems and stuff, and to let him know that my brother's hardly a bastion of perfection himself. Pizzy's such a fretful person. I wish I could calm him a bit. Anyway, he seemed to at least appreciate the story, and we did make love afterwards, so that's something, right? I really wish he'd let me into that goggled noggin of his

Lunch with Britta's Family

So glad it was our last night in the inn! There were these totally noisy sailors in the room next door last night, and I swear they were carousing until a couple hours past midnight. And this was TOTALLY not the day for my narcolepsy to be worse than usual, given our luncheon with the Frostbeards. Stupid sons of troggs. I had half a mind to unleash Wynni on them before breakfast and see how they liked it.

Anyway, so, lunch with the Frostbeards! Pizzy was of course supremely nervous, and I admit that I wasn't really up for a meal with a whole clan of dwarves just then. Everyone was focused on the food for the first hour or so, though - seems the oldest brother, Bronin, had bagged himself a shoveltusk stag, and evidently that's a Big Deal. I found the meat to be a little gamey, but the dwarves thought it was the best thing since the gyrochromotom or something. Noodler told me that since it was the first week of the month, the Frostbeard brothers who were logging up in the Grizzly Hills - the ones who were lending us their cabin - were here, which was pretty special.

And, of course, what's the first thing that comes out of someone's mouth once food and ale are no longer the focus? "Hey, you must be Duerma's husband!" Pizzy turned bright red and was like, um, not really. So I swept in and said, no, we're still working on that, and then I introduced us properly. I'm hoping neither the relative nor Pizzy was too mortified. Then a couple of the brothers started talking about mining (something about the quarry at Fort Wildevar), and Pizmo got caught up in that conversation. The women, though, wouldn't stop grilling me about him. Evidently a man is much more interesting when he hasn't married you yet.

We were asked to stay for games and such after the meal, but after being there for a couple days, I was REALLY eager to get settled in, you know? Britta and Noodler weren't up for leaving yet, but Britta's brothers Beldin, Bjarn, and Broldar were heading out too. It was a long trip back to the logging camp, and they could let us in as well as anyone since, you know, it's THEIR HOUSE. We nabbed a wagon and hooked it up to Pookie after I summoned him (figuring that he could go back to eating bombons in the Twisting Nether after he was through, rather than continuing on to the Grizzly Hills like their rams). The trip only took an hour this time, even with the wagon hauling. It's amazing what a difference not trudging through ice and snow will make.

The house was this cute little A-frame with a fireplace and chairs down below, and then beds in a loft up above. They cooked everything in the fireplace. Very cute and quaint. The brothers helped us lower one of the beds downstairs for Wynni (I had visions of her crawling through the railing to her doom in the middle of the night), and then they continued on their way. After being constantly surrounded by people pretty much ever since we got on the boat, it was kind of weird to finally be on our own. But it was nice.

We had a pretty low key evening, just reading books and playing games with Wynni until she finally petered out for the night. I wasn't far behind her. Pizzy was finally OK with getting cozy with Wynni sleeping downstairs, but I'm like, dude, I'm totally exhausted. He was a little put off by that - I really haven't rebuffed him very often - but he was fine snuggling together before bed. I'm so glad that he respects me enough not to push me - I really feel like I can trust him in that regard.

Midsummer's End

So, we woke up this morning on the ship, and Pizzy was a little less uncomfortable eating in the dining hall with all the other sailors. I kept Wynni dosed with the dreamless sleep potion; I figured when we got to Valgarde, she could wake up and eat totally ravenously. We totally had some time to kill after breakfast, like 4 hours worth or something. Pizzy had brought some business reports to study, but I was totally dumb and didn't think to bring anything to entertain myself on the ship, so I mostly just wrote in my diary here. I did manage to get a little cozy with him, even if he still wasn't up for lovemaking with Wynni there.

Finally, not long before midday, we heard the telltale screeches of the wind outside that meant we had entered the fjord. Wynni kept sleeping like a rock, of course, but Pizzy and I just kind of huddled together on the bed - not like we could concentrate on much else with that racket going on. After 15 minutes or so, there was a huge bang and the ship rocked hugely and I'm like, oh crap, we totally hit an iceberg, didn't we? We could hear all kinds of movement going on above us.

I poked my head out and asked what had happened, and apparently we'd been hit with a giant spear thingee. Fortunately, it just splintered the deck and rocked the ship, but not done any MAJOR damage. Pizzy went up top so he could blast away any more incoming missles. I wanted to help, but I couldn't leave Wynni there by herself, sleeping or not. I couldn't tell what was happening over the winds, but another 20 or so minutes later Pizzy came back to our cabin, grim faced, and reported he had destroyed another 3 spears that had been launched our way. Another couple had hit the sails. Now, though, we were in Daggercap Bay, far enough away from the cliffs that they couldn't target us anymore. It sounded like the ship was going to need some major repairs before it headed back south.

We finally got the all clear to disembark, and Noodler AND Britta were both waiting there on the docks for us. Poor Britta looked like a freaking ZEPPELIN. It's GOT to be any day now. I introduced them to Pizmo (and I made Pizmo hold the still-sleeping Wynni so he would have something to do with his hands besides wring them incessantly). Britta's face turned white when she heard about the Vrykul attack on the ship. I guess they've been a growing problem as of late, and Noodler said it's lucky we were on such a big ship cause they had successfully sunk a bunch of the smaller ones. Eeep.

It took them like an hour or something to get us our trunks - I guess maybe the door to the cargo hold was damaged?n Fortunately, our luggage was none the worse for the wear. Noodler told us we'd be staying in the inn a couple nights before heading up to Westgarde, and I'm all, what, you totally promised me a cabin, and he's like, yeah, but we have dinner once a week here in Valgarde with Britta's fam, and it wouldn't make sense to ride up there when we just have to come back, amirite? He DID get us some dockside tickets for the Midsummer's End firework show over the bay, so I guess that sort of makes up for it.

Wynni FINALLY woke up, so we had some lunch there at the inn, over which Noodler asked Pizzy a bunch of questions about the kind of work he does and stuff. It was, like, normal stuff and all, but Pizzy was totally sweating it. I held his hand to try to calm him some, but he was still pretty stammer-licious. Good thing his fiscal accomplishments totally outweigh his mode of delivery, huh? As soon as I could, I started yapping with Britta about pregnancy so he could catch a bit of a break. Noodler kicked me under the table, but hello, it's not like we're going ANYWHERE for the next THREE WEEKS so he can have PLENTY more opportunities to rake poor Pizzy over the coals.

We pretty much spent the afternoon chasing Wynni ALL over Valgarde (that's the downside to the dreamless sleep potions - she doesn't have the seasickness going on but when she wakes up, MAN, is she a ball of fire). Wynni's favorite game was running towards Pizmo, and then he'd blink to where she had just been, keeping her running back and forth and screaming with laughter. He really is very good with her, much better than I would have expected from a man who's so squeamish about the idea of parenthood. Anyway, Noodler and Britta took Wynni so we could nap - evidently the fireworks show wasn't starting til eleven! Not dark enough til then, Noodler said. And then he said that supposedly during the Midsummer festival, there were parts of Icecrown Glacier that the sun never set. I'll take his word for it.
That night, we sat down on the docks for the show (Noodler and Britta had seats further up on the hill so they could actually have chairs). And, man. So, Booty Bay and Stormwind have some pretty good fireworks shows, but this was crazy. Besides just normal fireworks and everything, there was this ribbon of light streaking across the sky that looked like the Twisting Nether (Noodler called it the Aurora Borealis). And, more creepy-like, there were these flaming Vrykul ships or something hanging over the cliffs of the fjord. Let me tell you, nothing fills a gnome's heart like a good fireworks show. As we sat there, Pizmo's arms around me, the sky exploding with colors, everything just felt so RIGHT.

This is going to be a good vacation.

Journey to Northrend! Again!

Wow! So! After running amok this morning trying to get some last minute errands done, I barely had time to meet Pizzy in Shattrath so we could go on to Menethil and catch our boat. Wynni was wiling like a banshee because we hadn't had breakfast beforehand, which of course meant that EVERYONE from Shattrath to Menethil was staring at me and thinking about what a horrible mother I am. I so hate that. The REASON I hadn't fed her is that she's going to be getting seasick ANYWAYS, and it's a lot less pleasant when there's something that actually comes up instead of dry heaves. I think Pizzy must have snuck her a cracker or something because there was definitely something there that first time. Ugh.
ANYWAY! Our ship was called the Zephyr, and it was pretty huge - evidently the biggest in the Kul Tiras fleet. Besides lugging cargo around, it's also the one that carries wealthy merchants everywhere they need to go, from the South Seas to Kul Tiras to Northrend to Theramore and back again. I guess that explains why the tickets were so expensive. Anyways, what that meant for us is that we had a nice, large cabin that really was pretty nice. Definitely better than the last one.

Anyway, we set our traveling packs down there and got comfy while they loaded our big trunks into the cargo area of the boat. I took Wynni to explore a bit before we launched, but when we launched, we were back in the cabin. Pizmo was rather mortified when Wynni started puking; he hadn't been expecting that, I guess. He was doing this hovering by the door, likehe really wanted to go but he figured he ought to stay, so finally I just told him to go ask the captain when we were expected to land in Kul Tiras and to find out where a good restaurant was and to find out about any appropriate business investments we should look into while there. He was glad to go, and I was glad for him to STOP HOVERING, GOSH.

We got to Kul Tiras about half past noon, and we were told to be back at the ship by 2PM. That was plenty of time to go and eat. Wynni didn't want to come with us, and she really didn't want to eat, but I made her get some chicken noodle soup and some sparkling water anyways. We found this nice place called The Tortoise's Manor. Pizzy had a smoked summer bass with potatoes and I had breaded Rockscale cod with some Alterac swiss melted on top. Mmmmm. It was SO good.

After lunch, Pizzy went to investigate some business opportunities while I took Wynni back to the ship. She was in better spirits after having eaten something. We had a fun time chasing each other through the mostly empty corridors til everyone started filing back on the ship. There were WAY more people than who got off - I guess we picked up a ton of passengers. Anyway, Pizzy made it back in the nick of time. I dosed Wynni with a bit of Dreamless Sleep Potion (which is more unethical, dosing her or letting her endure 24 more hours of puking?), and then Pizzy and I curled up to take a nap too.The man's like a breathing security blanket. I love it.

Midsummer celebrations and vacations!

Well, today the midsummer's celebration was in full swing! Wynni wanted to see what all the fuss was about, and so we decided to meet Pizzy in Stormwind - he had a bit of business to take care of in the Auction House beforehand. After running into Imble and chatting for a sec, we we found him there in the Auction House. Wynni spotted him first and gave him a huge hug. I'm so pleased with how well she likes him. I'm still a little paranoid about her becoming too attached before it's really permanent, but on the other hand, since things seem to be going well, then maybe the transition will be a little easier.

ANYWAY! So after we met Pizzy (and he offered to take Wynni cliff jumping - HOLY. CRAP.) we headed on over to the canals where all the festival stuff was set up. Wynni was TOTALLY amazed by the guys juggling torches and tossing them at the braziers. Then we found the ribbon pole, and I held Wynni on my hip while I spun and danced. She LOVED it. Pizzy tried it, but oh man, that was bad news for him. He looked SO sick. I helped him into the nearby bookshop so he could sit and recover just a bit while Wynni looked at picture books. Poor guy. I hope he doesn't get seasick as easily.

So, he caught his breath and let the world stop spinning a bit, and then Wynni asked us what a kobold was. Evidently, she had found a book on the shelves called "The Little Kobold That Could." (That could do what, I don't know. Maybe he managed to keep his candle or something.) Anyway, I told her it was a rat guy who liked candles, but Pizzy went into more detail, even so far as to imitate one. Wynni just ate it up.

Then he mentioned that sometimes there were spiders in the caves with kobolds, and Wynni FREAKED. So he taught her how to smash spiders, using his hands to imitate one. She thought that was a pretty good game. So that led to a conversation about spiders and bizarre cuisine, and before we knew it, it was time to go to school! Usually Wynni is super excited for school, but today she just wanted to stay with Mr. Pizmo. Aww. We walked her to school, and she asked like a million questions on the way. She even gave Pizzy a kiss goodbye - how sweet is that?

Pizzy and I continued on to Telaar; he wanted to chat about our upcoming trip to Northrend, since he's still paranoid about meeting my family and all. I guess maybe I didn't mention that the whole point of my trip was to be there when Noodler's wife gave birth, because he was all freaking about that. It's not like he has to BE there for that part, gosh. He wanted to know what kind of things he should do up there, what to talk about, what not to talk about, what to wear, etc. The questions seemed perfectly obvious to me, but I forget that social situations can be difficult for him sometimes.

Then he wanted to know what we'd say if they asked about, well, us. I told him I'd say "we've discussed the possibility of marriage but there are no plans in the works at this time." He seemed to like that answer. He fretted for a moment when I mentioned Noodler had met Zandramas, but then I reminded him about how Zan had, you know, LEFT. Then I told the story about how Zandramas accused Noodler of being my secret boyfriend because he didn't think he was my brother since we didn't look alike. Boy, was Pizmo's smile wide!

We made love, and afterwards he asked me to promise that I liked him as much as he loved me. Well, of COURSE that's the case! He told me he just gets worried that I'll get tired of him, and that all good things are supposed to end eventually. I wanted to tell him it doesn't have to be that way, but he had to leave before we could really get into the subject. In time, I guess. Maybe someday he'll stop being so insecure.

A magely odyssey

So, I've been TOTALLY working so hard on learning magecraft and engineering, but I've been really shy to show Pizzy because he's been SO good at both for SO long. But, I needed to learn how to make the Toshley's station transporter, and I SO cannot even kill the netherwraiths with my mage skills right now. So I thought, Pizzy should totally help me out!

So, we met up in Shattrath, and we flew to Telredor and started riding through the marsh. It was so TOTALLY my luck that it was POURING rain. Like, oh man. So soggy. The mushrooms couldn't even stop it. And naturally, today was the day I picked to wear a white blouse. I mean, not like it's anything he hasn't seen before, but STILL! Anyway, Pizzy was kind enough to point out a couple gas clouds so I could experiment with my new mote extractor - and I TOTALLY managed to suck some water out of the air! How cool is that?

Next, we totally had to go through this disgusting, spider infested cave. It was so gross, and all my spells kept totally bouncing off them. But Pizzy totally blew them all away. Very chivalrous! He helped me through the ravine up to Toshley's station, where we met a gnome named Smiles O'Byron. He taught me how to make the transporter... and Pizzy said he'd give me the materials! How sweet is that? He's so good to me, oh my gosh.

So, we continued onto Netherstorm, and I totally summoned that wraith, and he was SO not ready for it. It totally kicked BOTH our butts. We got him on the second time, though. After that, we were basically done with our errands, so we figured we could just chillax. (Note to self: wear wide brim hats more.) We flew out to that boat that's off of what used to be the coast of Kirin Var and just spent some time watching the sky. He was acting SO twitchy, though. I don't know what's with him lately.

We went inside, and he told me about how proud he was of my tinkering accomplishments. And I mean, I'm glad he's proud and stuff, but while tinkering's kinda fun, it's just not IT for me, you know? I really prefer to do something where I'm with people, you know? And it's been so weird ever since I stepped down from the Tower. It's given me more free time to care for Wynni, and to learn magery and tinkering... but it's just not the same, you know? I mean, don't get me wrong, I love extra time with my daughter, but it just feels like something's missing.

And Pizmo blanched at all that, and I mean, it's not like I'm all OHAY MARRY ME NOW. Just... I don't know. I need a conduit for this energy. I'm not necessarily obsessing about him, but he's freaking out as if I were. Why was he being so TWITCHY today? I asked him what his deal was, and he was like, nothing, it's just a little weird. WHAT'S a little weird? I mean, for the love of Gnomeregan, he's the one who's been encouraging me to be brutally honest this last month. So I'm like, kay, FINE. I can just shut up and bed you right now if that's what you want.

THAT obviously wasn't the right answer either. he just sighed and was like, look, can we just cuddle together like folks do and enjoy being together? And I was thinking, no, I want to know what your problem is, but at that point, I didn't want to press it anymore. So we cuddled up and spent the night there. And it was nice. I felt so comfortable with him there, especially knowing that I was lying there because I wanted to be and not because my brain just shorted out again.

I don't know what's going on with him. I have a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach after how he was acting tonight, but at least it ended well. This dating stuff is too complicated.

A weird day on Mount Hyjal

So, after last week's time traveling adventure was so successful, we thought we'd head to the Caverns for something a bit more... relaxing. We were both in the mood to enjoy each other's company, and we decided to go back to Mount Hyjal and find a nice cozy spot by the Well of Eternity. We set off down there on the back of a dragon. Pizzy was pretty annoyed that they wouldn't let him buy their gemmy designs, but he perked up when he saw THE Jaina Proudmoore in her 10 foot tall glory.
We found a nice looking pond in between the Horde and Alliance camps, and even though it was a couple waterfalls away from the ACTUAL Well of Eternity it was still totally sizzling with the arcane. Pizzy's skin is still hypersensitive, though, even in the past, so we found a good tree to sit under, and I put up an umbrella just in case. And then he ACTUALLY changed out of his battle gear - that seriously NEVER happens. I wish he would do it more often - he really shouldn't hide his body behind all those robes and everything. Mmm...

Anyway! So, I'm heading up to Northrend in a couple weeks to help with the birth of my first niece or nephew! I dunno if they'll let me actually midwife, but even if not, I can totally cook and clean and otherwise do whatever I can to ease their transition into parenthood. And I was totally thinking, dude, Pizmo should SO come along! I mean, then he'd get to meet the only family that I really have left, and we'd have a couple weeks to experiment with the whole "living together" thing, which ought to be enough to satisfy his worry.

So, I asked Pizzy, and he's like, wouldn't that be kinda weird for you to show up with some guy they've never met before? And I'm like, well, I've totally told them all about you in letters and stuff, and when I was up there for Winter Veil, I could not stop talking about you. He was SO surprised by that. I mean, I dunno WHY - I've been giddy as an apprentice for the last 6 months; this journal is hard evidence that he's the only thing I ever think about anymore.

Anyway, so then he started coming up with all these reasons to freak out, like "what if they find out about my criminal past" or "maybe they have some other guy picked out for you." OK, so, I guess the first could be a little worrisome, but come on, they live in freaking NORTHREND. I mean, Britta's family hasn't lived in Ironforge for a couple generations. It's not like they're going to inherently KNOW what happened, you know? And as for the second, COME ON. I'm capable of leading armies against the greatest threats the twin worlds have ever known but I'm not competent to pick out my own spouse?

And THEN he's like, holy crap, you didn't tell them we're "doin' it" did you? And I'm like, for the LOVE, who discusses their sex life with their BROTHER? And he's like, they're gonna think I'm totally taking advantage of you, and they'll talk about it in whispers in the kitchen, et cetera, and I'm like, whatEVER. Yeah, they'll probably draw conclusions if I bring you along, but who cares? If my brother is going to marry a DWARF then he CERTAINLY can't say anything if I choose to sleep with a handsome, intelligent, successful, GNOMISH man, now, can he?

Then Pizmo's like... dwarf? Um. I guess maybe I didn't mention that. So then he starts fretting about THAT. At first he was making sense, sort of, but then he's like, there's gonna be STONE in our bedroom and the stone's gonna tell the dwarves about all the sleep we didn't get. ARG. So I'm like, look, no one's gonna come chat with the stone right there, and it's not like it's going to get up and walk away, so seriously, CHILL.

Finally, I told him, look, you're obviously worried about what my brother and his in-laws are going to think about us being intimate, so if anything happens, I'll just tell them I seduced you, so then it's totally MY fault, K? And he's like, serious? And then the whole mood changed, just like that. Isn't it amazing how quick that happens? Just a word, a touch, and we've gone from freak out to make out.

But then, just as quickly, it changed again. As we were getting amorous, he pinned my hands above my head as he kissed me. Now, I've really been OK with a lot of things - it still amazes me how easily we were able to begin making love - but I could feel that panic setting in when he did this. And at first he wouldn't even let me up, which of course caused me to panic even MORE. Then I finally twisted free, and he was just MORTIFIED as he realized what he had done.

I forgave him pretty quickly - I mean, I love him, I trust him, and I know he would never, EVER force himself upon me like that. And, I mean it's not like it's something totally bizarre and out there - every couple dabbles a little bit in play-domination - I mean, why do you think succubi are so successful? It's just... something that I can't help but react to, you know? And I wish I could have said something to him, rather than just wriggling like a greased pig.

Ironically, I was trying to soothe him more than the other way around. He was just absolutely beside himself; I forgot how sensitive he can be. I promised him that one mistake, especially one he was so repentant about, does not make him a horrible person. None of us our perfect; no one has all the answers. We just have to keep trying our best.

He was worried that I'd think on it a lot after we parted, and I'm not going to lie - I mean, I really do need to decompress anytime I have a panic episode like this, no matter what the cause, you know? I don't want to be jumping like a coiled spring next time he reaches for my hand. But that doesn't mean that Pizmo is anything less than a good man. The events of today don't change that - in fact, they strengthen my conviction that this is so. I don't know what my brother will say, but you can totally be sure that I'll be defending this point with every bit of furor I can muster.

Investigating the Past

So, after a little discussion today, Pizzy and I totally decided it'd be fun to go back to Southshore and take a look at the Ashbringer thing! So we teleported over there, hopped a dragon, and BAMF! There we were 7 years ago. Cool, huh? We went to the inn where I had seen these guys chatting before and we hid behind a couple kegs. It's really good that we're gnomes and not something like a Tauren or whatever.

Anyway, we totally got there just in time. Right as we found our hiding spots, Highlord Mograine and the gang totally started chatting. he busted out this evil looking crystal, and they zapped some holy energy into it, and it turned from an evil crystal into a good one! And then it totally healed Mograine's hand, even! How sweet is that?

As soon as the conversation was over, we hightailed it outside to the docks so we could sit and make sense of it all. We tried to think of if there were any more gems hidden in Blackrock Mountain that could be similar to the one that he found. There were the gems for the seal of ascension, of course, but Vael didn't do anything wacky to them to make them useful, so obviously they're not an otherworldly source of evil. There's Father Flame, but it's kind of large and burny and not so much small and voidy. And it's totally been for-EVER since I explored Blackwing Lair, so I can't really remember if there was anything gemmy in there.

Then Pizmo thought there might be something in the Depths of Blackrock, and we both remembered that there was this thing called the Heart of the Mountain! There's this goblin guy who wanted it, but he didn't say why he wanted it, only that the dwarves didn't want to sell it to him. And it occurred to me that I totally knew how to make something called the Smoking Heart of the Mountain, which I would suppose to be similar. We debated about which of the two would be better.

But you know what, I didn't even KNOW if we should be looking for a gem. I mean, it was one thing when we were thinking of a void thinger just like they used to make the Ashbringer, but just any old gem? I don't even know if it would work. So Pizzy started talking about a modified potion injector, which seemed like a good idea. He's so clever. We got a little bit distracted discussing ideas for a contingency plan if we were unable to save the arm, but I think we have a good plan. I'm gonna go get the gem and he's gonna build the injector. Together, we'll come up with the best plans ever known to gnomekind!

Then things got a little more serious. He told me he'd received my letter (the writing of which was pretty much the hardest thing I've ever hard to do). He let me know that no matter what horrid things had happened to me in my past, he'd still love me. And if Tiggs ever came back, he would make sure he suffered for what he did. It was amazing to see him so angry and determined... for me. He was so passionate when he described how he'd be my protector and avenger if ever given the chance. And I just felt like my heart was totally going to explode out of my chest. He's AMAZING. I'm such an incredibly, totally lucky woman.

Different brands of seriosity

So, after we went and dumped a bunch of demonic gems in a fel-infused volcano, Pizzy and I went back to Allerian Stronghold to relax a little bit. And talk. We've only been dating for 7 months or so, but I've been so panicked this week about the possibility of being pregnant, I figured we better talk about the future together - see if we even HAVE a future together.

I mean, I'm a lot more knowledgeable and careful than most women, and I'm fortunate that my cycle's been like clockwork, but this month has shown that nothing is foolproof, as much as I'd like to think it is. I don't think Pizzy's the type to run out on me with a baby... but I didn't think Zandramas was either. As much as I'd like to think that I'm totally a liberated woman and stuff, the reality is that I can't really work while I'm pregnant or having a nursling. Not my ordinary line of work, anyways. And if there were complications....

Anyway, yeah, so this is why most people get married before sleeping together, or at least around the time they start sleeping together. No one's gonna help track down the father of a bastard child, but a married, divorced, or widowed man can be held responsible for his offspring. And if he dies, then we're taken care of. I'm SO. VERY. GLAD. that Zandramas and I had been married when he died, because the inheritance is helping to pay for child care right now so I can go out and earn a living.

ANYWAYS! So. I was REALLY nervous about bringing up marriage and everything, because Pizmo has been totally freaked out about any kind of marriage talk - even at the mention of the word his eyes bug out like he's been zapped with jumper cables or something. But I managed to bring it up, and of course he was all kinds of worried. He's like, what if I won't be a good husband and it fails and then you'd be so sad? And I'm like, dude, you're an amazing boyfriend, and being a husband is like being a boyfriend except we live together, you know? And then he's like, what if living together is a total disaster?

Then he suggested we find a soothsayer or something to predict whether we'd be a successful married couple. Come ON, who does that, seriously? Not a gnome, that's for sure. So I'm like, look, we jus twork things out as they come up. I think we'll be FINE without a soothsayer or whatever. And then he brought up Wynni, which makes sense, I guess. He wanted to know how we'd deal with decisions about raising her or whatnot, and whether he'd be considered her father.

Then he asked about her natural father. He's DEAD. He's like, ar eyou sure, and I'm like, yes, I buried Zandramas myself, GOSH. But then he reminded me about Zanny not REALLY being her biological father. And something inside me just kind of snapped. The idea of HIM - Wynni's REAL father - even being remotely involved... My mind told me that is was silly and wouldn't ever happen, but my heart was off and running at a million miles an hour. I felt TERRIFIED, and like my chest was closing in on me.

Pizzy was so gentle - he just held me and rocked me back and forth, talked to me gently to try to understand what was going on and to try to calm me down. I was hardly even aware he was there - I just felt like I couldn't breathe, and I was trying desperately to convince myself that there was no way in the nether that Tiggs could ever, ever find me.

And then the narcolepsy took me. You won't find me being grateful for my disability very often, but I don't think Pizmo or I have ever been more thankful for it than today. I don't know how long I slept, but when I woke up the panic was gone. My chest and head were still aching, but that's probably because of the quick breathing. And I felt absolutely MORTIFIED that he had seen me like that. I mean, I've been nothing but strong and brave when I've been with him - I've never let ANYONE see me have a panic attack like that (at least not in the last 2 years). I figured he'd think I was totally crazy or something.

But he didn't. He just hugged me and told me that it was OK to be afraid, and that whatever else I might be, I'm still a woman, and I'm allowed to have emotions and such. He promised to listen to whatever I wanted to tell him, and he'd hold me right there to help me feel safe. He wanted me to tell him what happened, but I just COULDN'T. I can't talk about it - every time I even try, it's like I'm living it all over again. He thought maybe he just wasn't very good at being comforting, but it's a real block - I've never told anyone what happened.

He told me a story about how he had found an item that was of vital importance to the Horde. He had spent a lot of time fighting the Horde on the battlegrounds of Alterac and Arathi, and had hoped his renown on the field of battle would encourage leaders to listen to him when he came bearing a message of importance. They totally didn't, though - they just laughed at him and beat him up. He had such stories about how he snuck into Orgrimmar and yelled at all the orcs and they couldn't catch him because he was so small and quick!

The stories didn't REALLY relate directly to what I was freaking out about, but they were important to him because he had never shared them with anyone before. And, well, it really did calm me down a bit, talking about something else. I told him that I would write him a letter sharing my ordeal, and that seemed good enough for him. He told me he wanted me to feel comfortable telling him anything at all, that I shouldn't be afraid to talk about the scary stuff.

So then, I had the stupid idea to mention that maybe there was a 1 in 3 chance that I could be pregnant. Which, you know, is a 2 in 3 chance that I'm NOT! And I tried to stop myself before it came out but it did anyways and he freaked out and I knew I shouldn't have said anything until I KNEW for SURE what's going on. When he saw me panicking he tried to tell me that everything was fine, but I know it's not. And then he had to go, so I can't even get this resolved. URGH. Go me. I think I might have just ruined everything this month.

Demonic gems are serious business

OK, so, I couldn't get the nanny to come early this morning, so I had Wynni for just a little bit until she showed up. Pizzy had something really important he wanted to show me, so he was a little disconcerted by her presence. But he is SO GOOD with her. He showed her how to feed copper bolts to her little mechanical squirrel I built her, and she just thought that was the coolest thing EVER. I know what I'll be making in the workshop the next several weeks.

Anyway, Naliina showed up and I handed Wynni off to her, and after greeting me properly he led me into one of the Aldor laboratories. There was this totally bizarre THING sitting on the table. It looked like an upside down lamp or something. The bulb of it was filled with all these weird swirling fel energies, and it was being supported by this gauntlet that had gems sticking out of it, and it looked like the energies were being siphoned into the gems.

Pizzy explained to me that Branwynne (a friend of his and a gal I met a waaaaaaaaaay long time ago) came into his workshop. She had this crazy mechanical glove on her that was helping to contain some kind of demonic infection - the device was pumping out the fel energies into the gems, but it wasn't really well made, so eventually it caused the device to fail. So, Pizzy made her a new one, better than the last one, and was charged with the dangerous responsibility of disposing of the gook that had accumulated. He built this globey contraption around it to contain it for the time being, but now THAT was failing, so we had to figure out some way to totally get rid of it.

Then he told me that he had been asked to build a device that not only sucked out fel energies, but injected holy energies, so the infection could be cured for good. I told him it kind of sounded like the Ashbringer - it started off as an icky void stone, but all the holy guys shot energy into it and it became this amazing thing of light that even healed Mograine's hand. He totally had missed that on his visits to Old Hillsbrad, so we resolved to investigate that sometime. Now, though, we had to get rid of the gems before they started leaking! I suggested we just pitch them in the lava in Shadowmoon Valley, because really, what's a little more fel energy in that place anyways? So, feeling very much like the bracelet gnome the humans joked about, we headed to the Hand of Gul'Dan so we could be sure it melted well.
Originally, we started off on foot and let my voidwalker carry them - Pizzy figured a demon carrying demonic things would probably be the safest way to go. Well, that worked as we walked through Terokkar Forest, but when we reached the border of Shadowmoon Valley, we were totally ambushed by infernals! Pizzy and I were OK, but my voidwalker was totally toast. So much for good demonic help these days! I thought about bringing him back, but we figured we were close enough that we could just fly. So, we rigged up a way for my soul bag to hang from one of the skis of Pizmo's flying machine, and we took off for the volcano.

We got up there, and Pizzy tried to just fling the whole bag in. ACK! He was unsuccessful, thankfully, so I was able to pull out my soulshards and dumped the gems into the lava - saving the bag. (That thing was expensive.) Those gems totally melted into the ooze like chocolate on a fire!

So, I guess now we go back to figuring out what to do about the original problem, that of neutralizing Branny's infection. I hope we can garner some good ideas from our trip back in time.

Oh SNAP.

Um, yeah. So. According to my temperature charting, I pretty much ovulated the day, like, RIGHT after the Faire. That would explain my... vigor... the other day. It also means that there's a pretty good chance I could be pregnant. Like, right now. OK, it's 1 in 3, but those are still pretty severe odds. Maybe I'm wrong and screwed up my temperatures. Maybe Pizmo's really as sterile as he seems to think he is. Maybe I just plain got lucky. I don't know. But holy CRAP. I should know better.

I was with Pizzy on the elf island, helping out the Shattered Sun and all, and I apologized to him for my behavior. I mean, forcing him to break a pact we had made? He was horribly confused by it all, and who can blame him? Though he DID admit it was rather exciting to see me so amorous. And he said when we make love, it's like... caught up in the moment, and there's no Pizmo and Duerma separately, just together as one. Isn't that beautiful? His little bursts of poeticness are touching and unexpected. He never ceases to surprise and delight me.

Darkmoon Faire

OK, so, today Pizzy and I totally decided to go to the Darkmoon Faire, cause it was just outside Shattrath this month! We started off by blasting ourselves out of the cannon, went on to examine the bizarre animals they had on display, and had a fantastic tonk battle that I think I lost. We had really hoped that maybe the band would play but I guess that was totally last season or something. Oh well. Oooh, and we got a bunch of the junk food like funnel cake and candy bars and slushies. Mmmmm.

Pizzy was acting really weird the whole time, though. He was taking great pains not to touch me, and he kept looking away from me, and I'm like, oh my gosh, have I totally done something wrong? And he was like, no, just interested in the faire! and kept examining the stuff you could buy with tickets and stuff. I mean, it was fun looking at the attractions and stuff to buy and absurdities or whatever, but that doesn't mean he should treat me like I'm a leper or whatever, right?
So, we sat down to eat our treats - I totally got a brain freeze from the slushie - and we talked about our weekends and such. I told him about how my army's totally gonna kill a phoenix this week and how bummed I was that some other warlock got his awesome hat before I did. In the meantime, he was building little creatures out of his funnel cake. We talked about gems and how he's trying to get in good with the Shattered Sun guys so he can learn all the best new recipes, and maybe I looked at him funny but all of a sudden he was more interested in the cake creatures. What-EVER. So we totally played with those a bit, building infernals and arakkoa and heroes, all of whom met their DOOM in a very tasty manner.

Then we talked more about my army and its goals, and then... I sort of seduced him. I know, after last week, it's totally wacky, right? I seriously don't know what came over me. But it seemed fair that I should be able to break a pact that was made on my behalf... right? Or am I a totally horrible person? I have no idea. I guess we'll see how this all plays out.

Cold Feet

So, today Pizzy and I decided to visit the Ironforge Airport! It's way up on the mountaintop, and they really don't allow civilians to go up there - something about being a military base or whatever. But Pizzy's all, I wanna see the airplanes! So, we totally found this little path that wends its way up the mountain in the northern part of Loch Modan, and we climbed and jumped and rode and ran until finally we were THERE!
Man, I forgot that spring comes to the mountains way later. Even though it was the end of April, it was FREEZING! The wind just totally cut right through you. I pulled my overcoat and hood on, but I was still chattering like a mechanical squirrel in an earthquake. Pizzy did his best to keep his arm around me to keep warm, but he was so excited about the airplanes! He told me about how technology has changed over the last several years and how today's designs were way better than this Second War stuff. It was like we were in a museum or something!

By that time, I think my face was turning blue, so we looked for a place to warm up. Those dumb dwarves totally had all their houses locked up though. I guess maybe the trolls like to invade them, or maybe they just need strong doors against the cold? I dunno. But finally we managed to get into the garrison building. It wasn't entirely enclosed, but at least there was a roof and some walls.

Pizmo got right to warming up my hands, rubbing them and breathing on them. He's so sweet. Then we shared some chocolate squares that I found during Noblegarden. Things got kind of romantic, as they usually tend to do. He wanted to make love to me right there, and all of a sudden - I dunno what came over me, but I'm like, great gyrochromotoms, what if he only thinks he loves me because of the physical intimacy? What if all there is to our relationship is sex? How the heck is THAT going to last?

He was so concerned, and probably with good reason. I've been nothing but confident and bold this entire time; I don't think he's ever seen weakness on my part. He assured me that there were emotional and cognitive components to his love, and then he had an idea. He suggested we abstain from sex for a couple weeks to let the other facets of our relationship grow, and then I could be assured that it wasn't just about the physical relationship.

We cuddled and talked for awhile, and then portaled back to Shattrath. Parting is always so difficult! I miss him so much in between our afternoons together. It feels kind of weird that we broke our usual pattern of talking followed by lovemaking, but I'm so amazed at Pizmo's willingness to do anything to make me feel comfortable. He really is a remarkable man.

Oh oh oh, the sweetest thing

Guys, OK, Pizzy is like the sweetest man in the entire UNIVERSE. I'm so totally glad that we aren't fighting anymore. For SERIOUS. So, he totally buzzed me today and was like, did you still wanna get together and do stuff? And I'm like, well, for sure! And so he's like, what should we do? And I'm like, I dunno, so long as it's quiet for talking. And, well, you know, other stuff. So we took off for Zangarmarsh, which, of course, is totally where we met up last time when he said that I screwed up and needed to fix crap.

But this time it was totally different. I mean, it totally started off in awkwardville because, gosh, after everything that's happened, it's practically like starting over. And so, I told him about how my army TOTALLY beat up Vashj the other day, and we talked about how I'm totally not in the White Tower anymore, and how I like to help people out and stuff. And THEN, he totally gave me a Living Ruby! Just, like, as a random present - he found it in a chunk of adamantite and he thought I'd like it. Like it? Oh my GOSH! Those things totally go for 60+ gold before they are even cut, and it makes the totally amazingest gem EVER. He's so super sweet. And I like having his gems in my stuff cause then I think of him whenever I wear it. He smiled really big at that.
Then, he was like, I know I screwed up, and we should totally put past things in the past, but I'll just be quiet and let you talk, and I seriously though that he was going to cry right then. I mean seriously, we had tears there. And I felt TOTALLY awful, because it's like, I didn't want a quiet place so I could totally berate him or something - I wanted to chat because HELLO, how many weeks has it been and how much stuff has been going on? And he looked SO relieved. My poor, sweet, sensitive man.

So, I totally started telling him about my adventures in engineering, which I didn't think I'd be super good at, but I managed to cobble together a shrink ray and a mechanical squirrel, so maybe I'm not a totally hopeless case. Pizmo was totally proud of me, not just cause I was, like, getting into one of his interests, but also just that I'm trying new stuff and everything. He mentioned that he'd tried a bunch of different stuff til he settled on what suited him best, and maybe this was a step in a similar exploration for me. And he totally tries to do his bestest ever at everything that he does, which is SO totally awesome, and attractive.

He told me that he's happy for all the different things that are happening in my life right now, that it shows I'm looking forward to the future and not being rooted in the past. And then he told me that I should believe in myself, that I'm not just another woman or another gnome. He told me how special I was, and gifted. And... I mean, coming from someone else, it'd just be like, "oh, come ON." But it's Pizzy - he's like THE most sincere person in all of existence. And so it was just... amazing. And then he kissed me.

When he kissed me, it's like, I dunno, like a fire was lit or something, and all the weeks and weeks of missing and wanting and dreaming were lit up, and I couldn't have enough. It was so amazing to feel his touch and his kisses again. He made love to me, and I think it was a release for both of us - all that tension, all that nervousness, everything. I swear, when we finished, it wa slike nothing had ever happened. We fantasized about running away together, holing up somewhere for days with nothing but each other. It was just... I don't know. Wonderful. And the happiest I've felt in months.

Reconciliation

Man, what a day. So, I was chillaxing at Kaetta's house, getting ready for the huge meeting of uberness this evening, when Pizmo buzzes me on my comms and is all, can we talk? And I'm like, dude, hasn't he done enough? And so I tell him, look, I guess so, if you have read my letters, and if you'll, like, listen to what I say instead of getting bent on your own agenda, and we can have Grendrak come help mediate. And he's like, OK. And so he comes to Kaetta's house, because I really don't want to be leaving to go anywhere - I've been sick all weekend, hello!

Anyway, so Grenny sits down with us, and Pizmo was just a total ass to him. And then he started yelling back and forth with Kaetta, who was still in her house taking care of Wynni, and I'm just like, good grief, this is what I'm fighting for? But we FINALLY got him to shut up so we could actually address the subject at hand. I start trying to explain to him how his equations were wrong, but I'm not sure that really stuck. And so then I tried to explain how everything was worse because of his flawed conclusion, and I swear we were talking in circles.
So then Grenny pipes up and is recapping everything he's heard so far to make sure he's got everything straight. And of course Pizmo insults him again, but Grenny's awesome and is just like, whatever. Anyway, he pretty much has the gist of things from my end, and then Pizmo starts trying to explain his point of view uusing all kinds of weird abstract math, and my brain just kind of glazes over. But Grenny was TOTALLY following it! He's so rad!

So then Grenny starts talking about even MORE complicated equations and drawings, and I hear the bells tolling and I'm like, HOLY CRAP, the MEETING! And so I'm like, guys, we're making good progress and stuff, but I really have to attend this meeting, and you guys have to come with me. So we all hopped the gryphon for Stormwind. In retrospect, I guess I coulda made Pizzy give us a port, but I dunno how well the request would have gone over at the moment.

So anyway, we get to the Blue Recluse, and I'm saying hi to folks, and a couple people come to greet Pizzy and Grenny. I led them up to a table, and I notice that Pizmo is seriously freaking out with all the people there. Now, I was mad at him for being a jerk, but that didn't mean I wanted to give him a panic attack or anything. So I busted out this mechanical squirrel that I made the other day while I was trying to wrap my head around this engineering stuff before heading down to run the meeting.

We had REALLY good attendance at the meeting, which was so awesome. Tziva reported on the changes to the Greenwards requirements, and then it was time for the BIG CEREMONY. Stormy comes up, and I realize I totally forgot my notes, which was kinda freaky-deaky, so I kinda made it up as I went along. I hope it was binding enough or whatever. ANYWAY, so I swore Stormypants in as the new Emissary! I was officially no longer supreme commander of the universe! So crazy, can you believe it?

So, Hanman comes in and takes care of some business, and then the meeting is all wrapped up, so I go up to where Pizzy and Grenny have been sitting, and I guess they've totally been talking this whole time, which is good. And he's like, Mr. Grendrak totally filled me in that equations can be totally right and yet totally wrong if you don't understand the complexity at the beginning. And then he totally agreed with me that we needed a lot more positives to balance out the negatives. He told me how much he loved me and how stressful this last month has been, and how sorry he was that he had hurt me on Friday.

So, I'm trying to figure out what to think. I mean, last week I wanted to marry him and make him babies, and then this weekend I wanted to dump him and never see him again, and a couple kind words and apologies aren't just going to push everything away. He got hung up on the dumping part, though, and so while I was trying to explain to him that we were going to need to put in a lot of work to make things better again, he was tearfully begging me not to leave.

One thing that I've always loved about Pizzy is how sincere he is. Even if he's making up stupid things to try to impress me, or stumbling over his words or whatever, he's always been the most sincere person I've ever met. And I could tell he was sorry, and that he really did love me and couldn't bear for me to leave him after all this. And so... I didn't end the relationship right there. Maybe I'm a softie, but I think we can work this out. It's going to take a long time and a lot of effort, but we can do it.

I spent the remainder of the evening in his arms. It was kind of weird to be so close after all the disasters, but it felt so good. It felt so wonderful to be reconciled with him. I dunno how this is going to turn out, but we have hope again. And that's what counts.

A mithril frag bomb would have been kinder.

So. Um. I really don't feel up to writing anything but Kaetta says that if I get it out then I can start healing, or something. Whatever. So, Pizmo totally came back today after however many weeks, and I wish he had stayed gone so I could fantasize about tending his wounds or a joyous reunion or how touched and impressed he'd be at everything I've done since he's been gone. But no.

So, um, Kaetta asked me to come down to the World's End Tavern, and I'm like, um, kay, and both she and Pizmo were there, and I'm like, what the crap is going on? I felt weak in the knees when Pizmo took off his goggles, but then dread when Kaetta did the exact same thing. Kay, I thought he never wanted to be within like 100 miles of her after the debacle in Silithus, and now they're all acting in tandem? What the heck?

And then Kaetta totally starts LAYING into me, saying that she never should have been mad at Pizmo, she should have been mad at ME because she was jealous of him and I tossed her love aside and I'm like, is this a joke? We've TOTALLY talked about it before, maybe not in super duper detail, but I know - I KNOW I've totally asked her if it's OK to talk about Pizzy and stuff to her and she said it was OK. And what the heck am I supposed to say about her feelings for me? It's like if a furbolg confessed his undying desire for her. Would she be like, holy crap, that's the awesomest thing ever, or like, world of awkward?

But wait, it totally gets even better. She said that Pizmo had the idea that they should hurt ME to make everything even - that he suggested that he sleep with her to make me jealous. Are you freaking KIDDING me? Are we in KINDERGARTEN or something? I stepped on your foot so you're gonna poke me in the eye? And sleeping with her? SLEEPING with her? Is he out of his ever-loving MIND? Kaetta assured me later than nothing happened, not even kissing or anything, but still. STILL.

So I turned to Pizmo, and he's all smiling at me like, hurray, everything is awesome now. I'm like, what the hell is WRONG with you? I mean, trogg balls, isn't it enough that I debased myself begging for us not to take a break and then he disappears ANYWAYS? Isn't it enough that he didn't respond to any of my letters? That he sent back my packages? That I had no idea if he was OK and I ran all over two fel-infested worlds looking for him? How much more do we really need here, huh? Especially after I poured out my heart to him about how I'm afraid of being abandoned again?

And so then Pizmo's like, it's always about your pain! And I'm thinking, hello, you MADE it about my pain when you were all, "let's hurt Duerma to make it even, hur hur hur." But I tell him, look, I've been writing you letters, I've been sending you packages, I tried learning magery and engineering, I've been doing everything I could possibly think of without any feedback to try to make things better, but he doesn't even LISTEN.

Weeks and weeks I've been trying to fix HIS pain and he doesn't even see that, doesn't even care, and he's like, what do you know about my pain, reading your book and crap, and I'm like OH MY GOSH, have you even been LISTENING to what I've been SAYING? I've been TRYING to fix it. The fight with Kaetta was because I was so upset that she would hurt HIM. And that my part in it came because I was trying to protect KAETTA's feelings in the first place?

So then he's like, you're an ass because you tread on people's feelings like they have none, and I'm thinking, you SON OF A TROGG, don't you GET that EVERYTHING that has happened has been a result of me TRYING to care for someone else's feelings? And then he just teleports out of there, but not before he hugs Kaetta and compliments her. Seriously, what the crap.

I always thought that my reunion with Pizmo would have to be fantastically wonderful or fantastically awful to get me back to being friends with Kaetta, and I can't believe it was the latter. She and I talked for a long time. She told me that he really did love me, he just had really warped ideas about how to make things work out. That this was some kind of equation to be balanced. That he doesn't really know how to work out this social stuff. That he values my opinion.

Yeah, so, I was crying so hard that I threw up. Again and again. And when Kaetta told me about how he was courteous and complimentary of her, I threw up then too. Finally, I'm like, look, you better have some White Coven folk checking in on me this weekend, because I seriously don't anticipate being able to keep anything down. So she told me to come stay with her. Sure, whatever.

I loved him so much - love him so much - and this is how it ends? A month ago I was going to marry him and make him babies, and now I never want to see him again. Light. I'm such an idiot. I can't believe I actually thought I'd found happiness.

Where do I go from here?

So, I went to the last place on my list today, which was up to Bashir's Landing to investigate the prison cells up there. It's a lot easier now, since people are totally beating up the ethereals and stuff to try to recover the mana cells for the Shattered Sun effort, but it was still a pain to get the keys I needed to open things up. I found a bunch of weird creatures... but no Pizmo.

That's it. I'm out of ideas. I have NO idea where else he could possibly be. I don't know of any other enemies he might have or anything else. I really, really hope that he's not in trouble, because I sure can't rescue him if I can't find him.

There's this bard song that's totally been running through my head.

When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The waking up is the hardest part
You roll out of bed and down on your knees
And for the moment you can hardly breathe
Wondering was he really here?
Is he standing in my room?
No he's not, 'cause he's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....

I swear, this is totally me. Pizmo, baby, where are you?

Karazhan!

So, Lightlance and I totally led a squadron to Karazhan last night. It was totally amazing - whereas it used to take us FOREVER to explore the tower, we cleaned out the whole place in under 3 hours! It was pretty amazing. Of course, we didn't find any of the rare, interesting treasures I was looking for, like enchanting recipes or that one cloak the Prince likes to wear sometimes. But it was still fun.

I kept an eye out for Pizmo the whole time. Given that we were in every room in the tower last night and there was no sign of him, I think that means I can scratch this place off my list. Sigh.

Silvermoon is full of fail

Kay, so like, we were here for a freaking WEEK. And I swear we explored every little nook and cranny in that city. I found out that Silvermoon has two auction houses, one creepy government, and more gay bars than normal ones. I also found out that the backbone of their entire textiles industry is a bevel of leper gnomes under tight supervision of a succubus. I ALSo found out that the blood knights' pet Naaru had escaped, which is interesting. But no Pizzy. Or any Alliance prisoners, really; I guess maybe they leave prisoner taking to the orcs or something like that.

So, we poked around the rest of Eversong Woods, but there wasn't really anything there. I knew
we weren't going to find anything. I guess it was good to get away, get my mind off things and stuff, and Gren and Mel are totally amazing and awesome friends for helping out and stuff, but... yeah. Now what?